Love Lessons

Chapter Forty Four: Science & Faith

44 | Cole

     

               ~*~You can break everything down to chemicals but you can't explain a love like ours~*~

 

                Her smile was infectious and it made my stomach knot when she laughed. Her touch sent me over the edge and I wanted nothing more than to be around her all the time. Thoughts of Jess consumed me wherever I went; there was not a day that went by when I wasn’t think about her or a future I planned to have with her. Every day I look at the wild, chunky, sarcastic ball of crazy and fall more in love with her. I loved the way she scrunched up her face when she disagreed with something or how big her eyes grew when she was excited. I loved that Jess did everything with passion and I loved that she still put up with me after everything I did to her. She was perfectly imperfect to me and though that was cliché, it was true. I loved every bit of her and I wasn’t convinced she was still going to keep me around until she talked about our living arrangements for next fall.

                Jess and I were slowly getting back to normal and though it was difficult, we were managing. Her father had started to come up to school and visit her a lot more, along with my father as well. My father was attending my basketball games and starting to get more involved in my life. It wasn’t the ideal time for him to start actually getting involved; but he was my father, and I was always going to need him. Jess was still going to her therapist and every morning she was taking her medicines. I was worried about her for some days that she didn’t take them, because now certain ones were only as needed. I didn’t want Jess to relapse again and I didn’t want to be the cause of it. I gave her enough trouble as it is; I didn’t need to add anymore to my plate.

                Once our relationship was public, again, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder. No one had threatened or said anything about Jess and I being together. I wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened last time or maybe because no one actually gave a fuck. Sure, all guys said stuff about certain girls here and there, just as girls did about guys. I felt idiotic for fearing over something that never even happened but it was something that I couldn’t help. Life was finally looking up for us; a huge storm had passed and now we were able to move on and feel like actual college students. Or so I hoped.

                I was worried for Jess when we had to go to the trial for my mother. Jess needed to take the stand and I had to testify against my own mother. It was difficult and it was something I wish we never had to do, but I was also grateful that we were finally putting this behind us. My mother was not happy but there were no problems during the sentencing. My father had taken us out to eat after and when I had time to myself, I cried. I hadn’t cried since that day in the hospital with Jess and it felt as if I was relieving pent up anger and sadness. I sat on the balcony of my bedroom crying until Jess had found me; she wrapped her short arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder, holding me until I calmed down. I expected her to be the emotional one, but I guess that was my place that day.

                Our relationship seemed stronger than before and it was starting to make me nervous. I was starting to picture a family with her and it was making me go crazy. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to end up with her forever; there was no other way. However, it was crazy that I was only a freshman in college and thinking about the rest of my life with the bundle of crazy I loved. There were times Jess and I talked about an actual future and the only helpful response I’ve gotten was to not name our kids after food.