Everything I Should Have Said

When

kalopsia

[n.] the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are
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The soft sound of my phone sounded so alive. The sound vibrating around my empty house. My phone was the liveliest item around, it delivered dead news though. I had thought that Charlotte was in jail again but to my dissatisfaction it was another one of my dysfunctional friends.

"Hello, Miss. James, this is City Hospital speaking. We have some bad news, as you checked Shane Moore  in the previous time, it's our responsibility to inform you of Mr. Moore's death." Her voice was so hollow, like she's done it a thousand times before. She probably has. I cut the call, what do you even say to that? Thank you.

I sighed as I put my head back onto my pillow and tried to fall back to sleep. He wasn't dead. I knew he wasn't. Just a sick practical joke, from on of our fellow students because Shane would never do that he had everything. Everything except love. Love from friends we should have been. He deserved better, so much more than what he got.

I couldn't sleep and soon enough I heard pounding on my door. I wasn't scared, it was probably one of my friends but being alone all the time makes you weary.
Weary because normally if it was one of them they would scream my name.

"Miles, what are you doing here?" He looked me up and down my tear stained face gave away everything, so did his. He pulled me into a friendly embrace and pushed me towards his car. I immediately begun crying more water than a rainstorm.

"What!" I didn't mean to shout but I wasn't in the right frame of mind and losing a friend was not something I was used to but thus something I knew was bound to happen.

He continued driving nevertheless I ranted, ranted about my misery and my unfortunate life. I ranted about our relationship, and how he was a selfish bastard, Miles and Shane both. I hardly noticed how fast we were going or how glazed over his eyes became. I hardly remember turning my head to see a car speeding directly towards Miles side of the car but I do remember screaming. Screaming because that was probably the last time I would see a live Miles Stephenson in my entire life.

Highly ironically, Shane and Miles did not die on the same day and not in the same way, Miles died at exactly twelve o'clock and a couple hours earlier Shane was bleeding to death.

Remember the domino effect? The theory about the cigarette, well that's exactly what happened we were rushing to Shane and Shane being the cigarette destroyed us too, one by one. In a variety of ways.

My eyes opened and I blinked multiple times to adjust to the dim lighting. Miles was next to me, his head bled and his eyes were closed but he sometimes groaned in pain.

"Miles, I need to get a phone, stay here." He nodded weakly but his legs were completely trapped between the steering and seat. My leg were bleeding but my injuries weren't as bad as Miles. Not even close.

I needed to get a phone but everything was scattered and messy. I managed to spot my phone a few feet away from the car. I hazily crawled towards the phone not trusting myself to walk. I dialed the police and as I
I began speaking flames erupted from the car.

I screamed at them to hurry but by the time they found us, Miles was reported dead. The other driver survived as he managed to crawl out his window.

"What exactly happened tonight ma'am?" The cop questioned me and I answered truthfully. My injuries were small and like I said nothing compared to Miles. Though I hold a painful truth, if maybe I saw the car earlier. If I didn't rant to him as much.

"There was a car and we were speeding. What do you think happened?" He sighed and I took in his appearance he was young but he he looked like he worked himself up to easily.

"I'm a trainee, please don't make this harder than it is. I understand you just lost someone close to you but the only way you can help them now is by explaining what occurred." I snorted at his words. I failed Shane Moore and Miles Stephenson. Both people I love dearly, both people who were once my everything. They were taken away from me all to quickly, before I could tell Shane I love him and before I could tell Miles thank you.

Shane, your dead and so is Miles but you see. I need you two alive because you are both my best friends, you're kind and gentle yet assertive. I don't know if I know what depression is, I feel like I only have the slightest most faint idea of  what it could be. You are enveloped by it thoroughly so you do know and I want to know too.

"Ok, Miles Stephenson is my friend and we were rushing to the hospital where my other friend, Shane, had been in an hour before. We were, I assume going to pay the hospital fees. Well Miles was probably going to pay. The car was speeding towards us and I was ranting and we just weren't focused." Something was not right. Something did not feel right and it wasn't just my imagination.

"Shane? Where is he now?" I stared at the detective dead in the eye; his eyes reminding me so much of Shane's and the way they never waiver just like Miles. I ignored him.

I briskly stood and limped towards Matts car. Lea was asleep in the backseat and Charlotte leaned against the car as she smoked.

"Two down, four to go." She stepped on her cigarette and climbed into the car. I was only bruised and was allowed to leave, thankfully I didn't have to stay at the hospital.

"Let's hope you go first." I meant it, I really did. In that moment of time all I wanted for her to do was to jump in front of a bus. Her insensitivity and negativity annoyed me to a point where I thought she should do us a favor.