Black Crystal Part 1 - The Origin

Chapter Forty Six ~ Blessed Deceiver

"Wonderful day, isn't it?" Lucius asked as he approached the Chancellor and Nicholas. He kept a close eye on Lenora through his peripheral vision, and once he assured that she was heading away from the range of Nicholas, he continued speaking. "It's days like these that make you want to just go frolicking through the fields."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Nicholas asked. "And get the hell out of my way, strangely-dressed man! That's my—" Lucius scoffed and shoved Nicholas.

"How rude," Lucius scoffed in an overly-exaggerated insulted tone. "I am an official of the church, and the man who will officiate your wedding, good sir! How dare you treat a Man of God with disrespect? Such an utter sin, if I've ever seen one." The Chancellor and Nicholas exchanged glances of confusion before they looked at Lucius once more.

"You're the one officiating the wedding?" the Chancellor asked. "When did anyone tell you about this?" Lucius simply chuckled.

"Word spreads like wildfire in this kingdom," he replied. "One would have to live under a rock not to hear about this marriage. And besides, I'm the kingdom's official church leader, the connection between the people and God Himself."

"People can't do that," the Chancellor scoffed, but Lucius swiftly replied with a quick and hard slap across his face.

"Rule one of living here!" Lucius exclaimed, pointing his index finger firmly at the Chancellor. "Don't doubt and don't question the powers of the—" he hesitated for a moment before he came up with a title; "the Bishop, the head of this kingdom's holy prowess. Now..." he turned the Chancellor (who rubbed a red mark on his cheek from Lucius's hard slap) and Nicholas towards the church. "Come. We must follow Oregonian tradition before you and Lenora are to be wed." He got behind them and slightly pushed them towards the church.

"This seems highly unnecessary," Nicholas remarked, but Lucius didn't respond. He just forced them into the church and smiled.

"Please, approach the altar you see before you," said Lucius. He gestured towards the podium in front. Behind it was a pool of crystal clear water with a view of a wooden cross. "We have a few ceremonial preparations to make before the wedding tomorrow, gentlemen. I hope you don't mind a little bit of water." The Chancellor and Nicholas exchanged glances of confusion again, and watched as Lucius knelt in front of the pool of water. "Kneel down beside me and begin praying." Lucius held his arms out, gesturing for the two to kneel.

"This is absolute bull," Nicholas laughed. "We don't have to—" Fast as lightning, Lucius got up to his feet to slap Nicholas hard across the face.

"Respect our sacred traditions or burn in this church," Lucius spattered with an authoritative tone. "I have direct contact with God Himself and can have Him burn you faster than you can scoff again, so I highly suggest you listen to me." Almost immediately, the Chancellor knelt down in front of the pool and began to pray. Or, it looked like it, anyway. Nicholas rolled his eyes and sighed, approaching the pool to kneel on the other side of Lucius.

"Fine," he whispered with exasperation. Lucius smirked and knelt beside them as he bowed his head.

"Repeat after me," Lucius began, assuring that both the Chancellor and Nicholas had their eyes closed. He cleared his throat and began the sacred wedding prayer, which was absolute gibberish. "Dur irrnoc du tore..."

"Dur irnoc du tor—"

"Wait!" Lucius exclaimed, looking at the two men with an exasperated expression. "You're absolutely butchering these sacred words,, gentlemen! On irrnoc, you're supposed to roll your tongue. It's two 'Rs', not one, for Pete's sake. Now, let's try again." Lucius closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Dur irrnoc du tore..."

"Dur irrnoc du tore..."

"La'mach thee no'utoruhna..."

"La'mach thee—"

"Ughhh..." Lucius groaned with exaggerated exasperation. "Can't you guys pronounce anything right? You've got to do a little click with your tongue at the end of la'mach!"

"Excuse my questioning," the Chancellor began, "but exactly what language is this?" Lucius responded with a swift slap across the back of the Chancellor's head.

"Need I remind you of rule number one?" he asked. "Now, let's try again. La'mach thee no 'utoruhna..."

"La'mach—"

"Hold it!" Lucius exclaimed, and both the Chancellor and Nicholas rolled their eyes as Lucius spoke. "Where's the phlegm?"

"The phlegm?" Nicholas asked, but Lucius slapped him across the back of the head too.

"Yeah! That 'hgch' noise in the back of your throat? Are you two just uncultured swine who never learned the dialects of other languages? It's pronounced la'mach, with the 'hgch' and the click, not la'mock. Let's try again." They bowed their heads as Lucius repeated the phrase. "La'mach thee no 'utoruhna..."

"La'mach thee no 'utoruhna..."

"Fero nuuuuuuuu, a hur dii dur."

"Ferro nu, a—"

"Stop right now." Lucius quickly swung his arms out, practically hitting both the Chancellor and Nicholas in the chest as if figuratively stabbing them. "Two. There were two mistakes there." He pointed his left index finger at the Chancellor. "First off, no rolly tonguey. You don't roll the 'R' in Fero. Second..." He aggressively threw his right index finger into Nicholas's face. "You've got to allow the pitch in your voice to gradually go up, then down in nuuuuuuuu, like a wave, see? So, let's give it another try." They bowed their heads again and Lucius repeated himself. "Fero nuuuuuuuu, a hur dii dur."

"Fero nuuuuuuuu, a hur dii dur."

"Now just close your eyes," said Lucius. Once he noticed that the men's eyes were closed, he put a hand on the backs of their heads and spoke. "In Nomine Patri..." He dunked their heads into the pool of water and brought them back up— "et fili..." Lucius dunked their heads into the water again, for longer this time, and then brought them back up— "et spiritus sancti." He dunked them back in for even longer, to the point where they started struggling and bubbles came up. After about ten seconds, Lucius brought them back up. "Amen."