After Death (Hello, Death 3) (Completed)

Chapter 12: If I hear you one more time

A human being holding an unbequethed celestial item longer than necessary, exposes oneself to complicated changes.

***

'She's too quiet.'

'This girl usually blabbers. What's bothering her? Should I ask her?'

'The full moon's nearing again. I've been here for three full moons. Who will come this time?'

'I can't hear her thoughts. I must be getting weak.'

'She's meekly eating.'

'I'm used to hearing your voice. You should speak, stupid human.'

Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko. Hindi ko na kaya. Nagdi-dinner dapat kami pero hindi ako makanguya dahil naririnig ko siya. I can't even hear my own thoughts because of his voice.

Siya lang ang nakikita ko kahit na dati pa. It's a torture kung siya na lang din ang maririnig ko ngayon.

"Are you done?" tanong niya sa'kin, nakatitig. "You barely ate."

I looked him in the eye. It's an offense that he looked so passive and detached and yet his thoughts... Ugh!

"I'm done. Pagod po kasi ako," dahilan ko. "Gusto ko nang matulog."

'She's lying.'

"I'm not!"

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa kanya. What the eff! I shouldn't answer to his thoughts!

"I'm not h-hungry!" bawi ko. "Gusto ko lang po talagang matulog na."

His caramel eyes darkened. 'You're lying.'

Kuyom ko ang kamao ko nang bumuntonghininga siya. Ngumiti nang matipid. "Go to sleep, Natalie. Goodnight."

Tumungo ako. "Sorry. Goodnight, Prof."

Halos tumakbo ako palabas ng kumedor.

***

I tried my best to sleep and I thought I did slept. But even in my dreams, I was thinking about him. I was smoothing his cowlicks. He was touching my hair. We were walking in a beautiful garden full of blooms. Dandelion seeds were romantically floating in the air.

Ilang ulit akong nagising at bumalik sa pagtulog. The dream is the same.

He was touching my hair. I was smoothing his cowlicks. The flowers were fragrant all around us. Dandelion seeds were blowing on our way.

Sa pangatlong beses na nanaginip ako at nagising, gusto ko nang umiyak. Pumikit ako at bumuntonghininga. Sinubukan ko kung pwede ko siyang marinig habang natutulog siya. Is he dreaming the same? Are death gods like him ever dream? Do they even sleep from where they were?

Sabi niya sa'kin dati, he's merciful. Ibig sabihin, may kakayahan ang mga tulad niyang makaramdam ng awa kahit noon pa. Hanggang do'n lang kaya ang pakiramdam na mayro'n sila? Nagmamahal ba sila romantically? Nasasaktan ba sila gaya ng tao? Naghahangad? Nanghihinayang?

Kumakain ba sila do'n sa lugar nila? O wala silang uhaw at gutom? Napapagod ba sila? Nasusugatan? Lagi lang ba silang pagala-gala sa kung saan para magbigay ng kamatayan? Are they bounded by space and time? Or are they exempted? Kaya ba nilang tumalon mula sa nakaraan patungo sa kasalukuyan? Nakikita ba nila ang hinaharap? Paano dumadaloy ang oras para sa kanila? Ano'ng nararamdaman nila kapag nakikita nila ang kabuuan ng buhay ng isang tao?

He's already so fascinating. He looks superior and powerful. He's already so far-fetched, so out of bounds, that it hurts to want him.

Why are humans like us made capable of greed? Feelings like love is so needy. It craves for attention; seeks for expression; yearns for consummation. It worships and centers around the object of affection. It longs and misses and aches. It hurts knowing a tragic end. Why can't it exist without the need to be fulfilled? Why can't it beat without the need to be answered back? Why can't it hurt without paralyzing the whole body? Why is it so contagious? Why is it so powerful? Why is it so far-fetched?