Sleeping Awake

Chapter 6

I didn't fall asleep. I just sat there, sobbing my heart out like a complete sap, and reliving the words Nathan had said...

 you don't even care about mum and dad dying! You don't care about anyone but yourself! I don't even know why I became your guardian! I Should have just let you go into care when I had the chance!

Why would he say that? How could he say that?

maybe Ive been an even bigger bitch than I thought id been

The tears keep coming. Since going to my room, Ive pretty much cried non stop. I dont normally share my feelings- or show them. Ever since my parents died, Ive learnt to block out my emotions. I knew back then if i didn't, I wouldn't be able to stop them showing.

But what Nathan said hurt.

I had considered packing my bags and walking out the door, but then I figured that was rather childish and i decided i wanted to be the mature adult in this argument, well, as mature as i could be.

someone knocked on my door.

''Alessia, can I come in?? i Hear Nathan say, and I can hear the plead in his voice.

''Yeah.whatever'' I say, acting like i dont care and trying to keep the sob out of my voice as I frantically wipe away at the tears sat on my cheeks.

He opens the door and walks in. Then he just stands there, like a plank, shuffling from one foot ot another, as if I should start the conversation.

Like hell I will!

I turn my back on him. Not just so he will know I'm not interested in what he has to say, but so he wont see me cry.

''Look, Alessia, I am so sorry for what I said to you. I honestly didn't mean it, and I definitely didn't want to make you upset.

I just nod, as tears start falling down my face, again. Damn you emotions. 

He walks over to my bed, sits next to me and hugs me. And for once, I don't pull away, I just hug him back, happy for the reassurance that I'm not in this alone. That he knows how I feel to.

''I really am sorry. And im always here if you need me, for anything, thats what big brothers are for right.

''Right'' I reply, as a smile creeps across my face.

''Look, Alessia, from now on there are no secrets and I am going to tell you everything thats going on, if you tell me to, deal?''

''deal''

And just like that, he spills everything. How he still isn't my legal guardian, and how he is still going to court dates in order to keep me. How he hates that he is hardly ever home because he constantly has to work, and how he still isn't over the fact that mum and dad are dead- he still doesnt believe it.

I know thats true. I hear him crying every night. He still goes through the days thinking there still here. Little does he know, I do to.

God, it has hit him harder than i thought...

And, even though what he said hurt, I cant help but feel the guilt building up inside of me, I've treated him so horribly lately, I should appreciate him more...

We both fall asleep on my bed, knowing that we are the only family each other has, but that we will always be there for each other-no matter what.