If I Lose Myself (Resident Evil 4)

Last Goodbye

I was still huddled up in the corner when Ramon returned. This time, instead of averting my gaze away from him, I looked him dead in the eye.

"What the hell do you want?" I hissed at Ramon, trying to appear stronger and more confident than I actually felt.

"I wished to see you," Ramon said as he came to stand before me.

"Are you going to assault me again?"

"I apologize for my actions Amor. I never intended to hurt you," he said. It sounded sincere, but I was not quick to forgive him.

"What of Mr. Kennedy?" I asked. Ramon let out a heavy breath. I knew it was perhaps the worst time to ask about Leon, however I was extremely worried about him.  

"He is... alive. For now."

"And the President's daughter?"

"Still resisting, but soon she will no longer be a problem of mine."

"What do you mean?" I asked as my eyes widened.

"She is being moved to an island to ensure Mr. Kennedy does not find her again," Ramon said, breaking eye contact with me to look out the window. Only then do I notice his hands are shaking.

"Ramon, you are not telling me something. What are you hiding?" I asked despite everything in me telling me not to care about this man.  I eyed his shaking hands, trying my hardest not to care. I did not want to care. I should not care.

"I tried Amor. I could not convince him otherwise," I only barely heard Ramon say.

"You tried what?"

"Lord Saddler, he is taking you away from me. His reason being he cannot afford to lose his only flawed creation." Ramon laughed darkly. "A pitiful excuse as any, addressing you as though you were a puppet missing its strings. Mi amor, you are far from flawed," he continued, speaking mostly to himself.

"When?" is all I was able to muster.

"Soon, perhaps half an hour," Ramon told me as he turned away from the window to look at me. "May I stay with you?" I nodded despite everything in me screaming no.

Ramon sat beside me and for a few minutes we sat in silence. I let his hand take mine. His thumb gently pressed into my skin as he caressed it.

"This is not how I wanted it to be," he finally said.

"What do you mean?" I felt him shift closer to me. 

"I had hopes of making you my wife. You were to be mine and mine alone. I would have cherished you and only you, in both your mind and body," he slowly said as he put a finger under my chin to turn my face toward him. "I would have loved you more than life itself. I would have loved you more than God loves his Church."

"I believe you," I quietly said. "You would have because it is now impossible to be can."

"Not quite impossible yet," Ramon lightly said as he moved closer to my lips. This time I did not fight against him. My head screamed no, while my heart screamed one last time.

Unlike before when it was demanding and rough, it was now slow and passionate. Just a light moving of lips. Tears fell from my eyes. His fingers interlocked with my own. There was no love in this kiss. Just pain and could have beens. There was goodbye.

And then there was a knock at the door.

Ramon pulled away just as a familiar blonde haired man entered the room. He stood off to the side with his arms folded across his chest.

"You ready kid?" Jack asked. I nodded and quickly wiped the remaining tears from my eyes.

"Goodbye mi amor," Ramon quietly said from behind.

"Goodbye," I said even quieter, my voice almost lower than a whisper. I let Jack put a muscled arm around my waist and lead me away from the room.

"Tell me again why you care about that little freak," Jack said as he led me through the castle halls.

"That is none of your business!" I snapped at him. His grip on my waist tightened in what I supposed was his way of telling me to be obedient. 

"What was that?" he lowly asked.

"I am sorry," I sarcastically replied.

"Whatever kid. You could do so much better."

"I am sure that is true," I admitted as he pulled me onto a boat outside the castle. Jack was right of course. Ramon had been more abusive in the past year. Perhaps I had been wrong thinking he had ever loved me.

"I don't understand why you chose him. A pretty girl like you could have anyone," Jack continued on.

"Is that an offer?" I asked in another sarcastic tone. I never expected him to actually answer.

"Maybe it is," he answered. From what I could tell, he was not being sarcastic. But this man was an enigma to me wrapped in even more mystery. I could not read him. 

I do not say anything else to him as he starts the boat. Instead I stayed silent as I watched the village and the castle, the only things I had ever known, disappear from sight.