Edge of Insanity

Chapter Seven

Minho found me at the edge of the creek early the next morning. I'd been staring at my reflection for the past hour, watching the water run by.

He sat down next to me and let the silence stretch on for a few moments. Then he said, "tell me."

"Tell you what?" I kept my gaze on the water.

"Ari." He gently tilted my head to face him. "We've been together for two years. I know when something is weighing you down. So whatever it is, just tell me."

I swallowed, images flashing through my mind.  What would he do if I told him?  How would he react?  Minho waited quietly. Finally I said, "Do you remember Maxton?"

Minho's forehead wrinkled. "Yeah he was the Keeper of the Slicers when that was your job. Before you became a Runner. That was what, in your first 2 months here?"

I nodded.

"But... He's dead, Ari. Tripped and fell on his own knife." Minho shook his head. "Poor, stupid shank." Then he fixed his gaze on me. "What does this have to do with him?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to figure out how to word the next sentence. Trying to gauge Minho's reaction. "I killed him."

Silence.

Then,"You what?"

I opened my eyes. "I killed him, Minho. I killed Maxton."

"Why? And how- when?" Minho shook his head. "You aren't making any sense, Ari."

I pulled my knees up to my chest. "I killed Maxton with the knife that day. I was the one who came and told everyone. I was the one who said he'd tripped and fallen on it."

Minho was quiet for several heartbeats. "Why?" He eventually asked. "Why did you kill him?"

"Because- because he raped me."

Minho stopped breathing. In fact, he went so utterly still I wasn't sure if he was still functioning properly.

I focused on the patch of dirt in front of me. "He raped me and then the next day came back for more. I guess the bastard hadn't had his fill." I shook my head. "So when he pushed me against the table, I grabbed the knife and I shoved it right through his stomach."

He still didn't say anything, but the look on his face- that said enough.  I'd never seen him look so closed off, so absolutely cold, features carved with a saddened rage.  When he finally spoke, his voice was so hard, so sharp that I involuntarily flinched away from it.  "I'm glad you killed him.  Because if you hadn't, I would have slit that bastard's throat in his sleep and watched him die choking on his own blood."

I had no doubt Minho would have done exactly that without a second thought.  "It was a long time ago," I whispered.

His face changed instantously, cold anger washing away.  "Ari-I-"   He stopped, letting out a shaky breath, looking me straight in the eyes.  "It's my fault.  I wasn't there to stop it-"

I shook my head.  "You didn't even know me then.  There was no way you or anyone else could've ever known.  Minho, listen to me," I gripped his forearm.  "It's not your fault."

He closed his eyes and I moved forward so we were nearly touching.  He opened his arms and I sank into them, pressing my head to his chest. 

"Ari, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I wasn't-" He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, repeating the words over and over again.

I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you

~~~

I ran the Maze that morning with Minho.  I didn't think it was a coincidence we were partners but I didn't say anything.  I knew Minho just wanted to be as close to me as possible at all times. 

I glanced at him now as we ran through our section of the Maze.  He was worried.  The wrinkles on his forehead told me that much along with the distant look in his eyes.  He was afraid something- anything- would happen and he wouldn't be there to protect me.  He thought it was his fault.  It was a downward spiral and I could see he was being pulled into it.

"It's why I carry the knife, you know."

His eyes snapped to me so suddenly he almost tripped. 

"The other day in here when you asked when I started carrying a knife?  I always have.  I mean it comes in handy in here and in the Glade but also it's good as protection.  Just in case..."  I trailed off.  "I mean I'm friends with everyone here.  I couldn't ever imagine any of them ever trying anything.  But still I can't shake the habit."

"Good," Minho's voice was clipped.  "I don't want you to ever go anywhere without it."

We continued our run in silence.  Minho needed time to process.  To adjust.  On the exterior he was a little rough around the edges, bold and intimidating.  He brushed things off that would normally have people running in the opposite direction.  That was the Minho the Gladers knew.

But the one who I shared I bed with at night, the one who kept me warm, the one who kissed me with so much passion I thought he would explode- that was the Minho no one ever saw but me.

And my confession had rocked him to his very core.

                  ~~~

As I climbed into bed that night, Minho didn't say a word.  I laid my head on his chest, curling against his side.  He absentmindedly played with a strand of my hair as we lay there in the dark.

"It'll be okay, you know.  It's been over two years, Minho.  I've survived up until now."

"But you did it alone, Ari.  All those nights when I wasn't there- why didn't you tell me before?"

I paused.  "I didn't want you to do to yourself what you're doing now.  Beating yourself up over a situation in which you had no control."

I could hear his heart beating steadily in his chest.  Then he said, "Next time I'll be there to protect you."

I smiled in the dark.  "I don't doubt it."