Hurt

Suicide

Spring break is finally here no school for a week! Well now I wish I was in school. I just got back from school and I'm already being yelled at, "Why did you fail your test Jazmine?" I heard my mom yell, I responded, "I didn't study!" My mom said, "Now you can stay in your room for the night!" I went upstairs and tried to fall asleep to get to a better place but I couldn't. Once my mom called me and my sister down for dinner of course my mom has to mention me cutting! She says, "Jazmine, you know, I've kind of given up on you, I don't know any other kids that cut themselves! I bet your friends don't! Nobody else does!" I can't help but cry at this comment of hers! How does she have the guts to put me down like that? I snap right back at her, "Actually mom they do! Most teens do because they honestly can't take this shit anymore! Tons of other kids at my school are cutting and you have the guts to say it's wrong for them to express their feelings? well sorry you stuck up bitch!" she responded, "You don't talk to me like that!" I got my blades and cut myself right in front of her and she threw it off like no big deal. Can she not see this is a cry for help? I threw my dinner in the garbage and went upstairs. As I got lost in thought I remember the dream I had yesterday, I thought, *Maybe the voice in my head was right, what if I just needed to open my eyes. Just open my eyes up to the good things and close my eyes to the bad. Could I have just blocked my mom out downstairs by just closing my eyes?* Once I was out of my thoughts I grabbed the bottle of pills I have hidden in the hole in my wall I ask myself, *Should I just take these, end everything? Who will even miss me? Will everything be better once I'm gone, will people be happier? Will I be happier?* I pour the pills into my hand, lift them up to my mouth but put them back in the bottle for one reason, the three friends that have kept me here, their voices are going around in my head telling me to stay, that I'm worth something. For some reason I listen to the voices and just sleep. As I dream I see Megan, Alli, and even Scott are all in a group crying. I heard them say I can't believe she's gone! Alli said, "Jazmine was so nice, why'd she have to leave?" Scott said, "I wanted to be friends with her, I thought she was really funny. Megan said, "I tried to stop her and tell her she was important but she didn't believe me and now she's gone and it's all my fault!" I try to walk up to her and tell her it's not her fault it's not any of their faults it's the people who were mean to me, but I can't talk, I can't even move. I try so hard to walk but I can't. Am I dead? No I can't be! Then I wake up in shock crying.