Drawing our life

This is a goodbye

Violet

Peaceful.So quite.I like it more than anything now.I scream for help everyday but I guess I feel better on my own.Friendship is one of the most valuable things in life they say.Love is one of the most important things in life they say.Friendship didn’t work quite well for me.It worked for others so well that every broken piece of them will stick back together.It’s the opposite for me.Every broken piece stuck together  1 year ago because of my own amazing friendship.Now they’re all separated from each other like me and her.

Love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.People get married,have children,then their children have children and it goes on and on.It’s the circle of life.I found love but it didn’t last as much as planned.Ian…I thought he was the one after a week I met him.I miss seeing his beautiful smile on his face that I’ll never be satisfied looking at.I love him to pieces and I always will.

He would come to my room every now and then to see if I was okay.The same thing happened every single hour,every single day.And everytime the same thing happened.A look said it all.No sleep for me but also for him.I didn’t expect that.Eveything just seemed so confusing and blurry in my head.I thought I was slowly and painfully  getting crazy and to be honest I really didn’t know what was happening to me.So many dark thoughts that scared me to death.

Mine and Ian’s  ‘conversations’ as you say it were just a few typical words.Not more not less.I miss him…I really do.But I also miss talking to my favourite Anthony,the loving,handsome friend who was there for me when I needed him.We sure talked but it was not enough.He tried to chear me up every day but I was pretending again.Another thing that caught my attention though was Ian and Anthony’s serious conversation about me.I was casually laying in bed,under my soft blanket trying to fall asleep but I heard whispering from the other room.

‘’Dude,just go talk to her.I’m sure she’ll understand.Everything will be better after you talk,I promise.’’there was silence for a few seconds.It just looked like a century to me.

‘’Okay…You know it wasn’t my fault right?She kissed me but I tried to pull away,I swear to God man!’’he replied and waited for Anthony to speak.’’I know,don’t worry.You’re a good guy and this is why we’ve been best friends forever…’’Anthony murmured.’’Thank you for everything.’’Ian exclaimed and there was silence again for a minute until the door opened and walked inside our room.Again,I was too afraid to talk to him so I pretended to be sleeping,praying for him to leave.I closed my eyes softly and in my own surprise I felt his cold lips kissing mine and then I let myself breathe again and actually fall asleep.

I hadn’t let him speak since the day that this terrible..thing happened.He always tried to explain but my mind was so full of many information that I wasn’t ready.I remember that one night I got a threatening text from Emily.It just ruined me even more.

‘’I’m keeping an eye on you.Stop dreaming about  the future you stupid bitch and realize that no one fucking cares anymore.’’ I read the text,hands shaking,mind  empt,legs numb.It was just so much for me that I had to handle from the desk cause I thought I would faint.Luckily,I thought clearly for the first time after many weeks and took a few deep breathes until I felt better and strong enough to walk to the kitchen and grab a glass of water.

Once a week she would sent me texts like that.For example,telling me that I’m worthless,or go to hell and stuff like that.Plus,my situation was getting out of hand.I would barely eat,a chocolate bar and tea were enough to spend the day.My collar bones were showing even more now and Ian had even advised me to go to the doctor or a psychologist.Of course I told him to leave me alone and so he did.

Ian and Anthony had gone out to film a video about the main channel and I was left alone for once again.It was almost 19:00PM and the house seemed so boring and quite without them.The rain was pelting down and the only sound in the house was the one of the clock.1 second,2 seconds,3 seconds,4 seconds,5 seconds…That’s it.

I quickly got upand walked inside my room.I cut a piece of paper out of Ian’s red notebook and grabbed a black pen that I found inside the notebook.I run to the living room again and sat on the floor cross legged.That was it,I had made my decision.

Dear Ian and Anthony,

I’m sorry.I’m sorry for letting you down,for causing you so much trouble,I’m sorry for everything.I’m so glad I met you guys and I want to thank you for putting up with me these past few days.Thank you for all the memories,all the times we laughed,all the times we cried and all the time we spent together in general.I guess I am not strong enough to handle all this drama.I feel like I’m getting crazy.It seems hard to even live anymore.Ian,you might think it’s all your  fault but it really isn’t.I know you didn’t mean to do the things you did and please,don’t worry about me.I’ll miss all your loving kisses and caring hugs.Your beautiful blue eyes that I’ll never forget.The silly things we did but also our romantic moments.You are my world and you’re  the best thing ever happened  to me!And Anthony…oh Anthony some people wish they had an amazing friend just like you.Ian is way too lucky to have you in his life.You’re one of the most kind people I’ve  ever met and I love you for being youself.Why am I writing all these?Well,it’s a goodbye.A goodbye forever.As you might not know I’ve received a lot of death threats from Emily and it’s just too much for me to handle.Everything is too much.You might think I shouldn’t have gave up but right now it’s the best thing I can think of.I feel like it will be better like that.I don’t sleep,I don’t eat and my depression is getting worse and worse.I’m sorry,everything is my fault.Anthony,tell Kalel that I’ll miss her so much and that she is a great person.I guess that’s it.This is the end.I'll always remember and love you.Forever.And after all maybe it's not about the happy ending.Maybe it's all about the story.I'm Violet Hunter and this was my life...

-Violet

So many good and bad memories of my life ran through my head.From my childhood memories to today.The colour from the pen made smudges all over the paper as small drops of my tears fell down every single second.I slowly folded the paper and gently left it on the black large table.I took one of my last deep breathes and walked to the kitchen where I found a small knife placed with all the other in a box.I outstretched my left arm and held the knife above my  veins.I had to make it deep,so deep that the pain would finally come to an end.As it seems my nightmares were trying to tell me something that would eventually happen in the future.The last thing I heard was a familiar voice screaming my name.And everything came to an end...

 Am I really dead now?