Drawing our life

Silence in my living nightmares

Violet

Things were not going well for me.I’m good at pretending to be happy.I could see the difference in my body,in my face,my hair,my everything.But Ian was too happy to see them.Or I am too blind to see that he actually knows.Maybe he  doesn’t say anything.I don’t say anything and continue living my stupid life.

 I’ve lost a lot of pounds.I don’t sleep.Nightmares are hunting me every night.Dark rooms,blood  and knifes.No one is there to help me.I dream about Ian being trapped somewhere,in a cold dark room but I’m always there to save him.Always.But in my nightmares no one is there to save me from my own thoughts and murders who try to kill me.Evil laughs and screams resonate in my ears.And then it’s peaceful.I enjoy being alone for once.So I stay there,in the dark room while hands are touching my body,my face and my hair.And  I wake up realizing that this was close to the reality.I feel relieved and then I remember the scariest night of my life as I look at my scars and bruises all over my body.I’m afraid to look in the mirror.My own thoughts are killing me.It’s like my soul is a thick piece of paper and they slowly but painfully burn it with fire.

 I’ve moved to Ian and Anthony’s house now.It’s very cozy and makes me feel  better and safer that I have them with me.Ian told Anthony about everything that happened.His advice was to tell to the police and so I did.It very harsh for me to tell all the details and I would start crying every now and then but I’m glad Ian was with me.They  called me a few times to let me know if they had find find Chris but I heard the same thing all the time ‘’No miss,we don’t have any clue of  where he is now’’I felt so hopeless and sometimes alone.What if he is somewhere out there waiting for me…I haven’t  gone in almost 2 weeks now.I would even ‘’forget’’ to eat but Ian was always there to remind me that everything was good now.The truth:it wasn’t! I made a big  decision  though.I sold my car so I can pay for my own expenses  since I haven’t  found another job yet.Ian and Anthony offered me to start working on the smosh crew or even being in their videos but I’m not sure about that now.

 ‘’Violet!!!’’Ian shouted from the living room.I sniffed at the smell of the enjoyable pizza and my stomach complained with a loud grumble.I slowly slinked outside my warm blanket and walked out of Ian’s room.

 ‘’Mmmm pizza!’’I exclaimed in excitement and sat down the sofa.I outreached to grab my plate from the table and turned on the t.v.Ian sat down next to me and we both devoured the first slice in one minute!

 ‘’I’m so pleased that you’re starting to eat again!’’he said and gave me a reassuring smile.I nodded and took a big bite out of my slice.We continued watching a boring show until we heard the sound of Anthony’s keys,unlocking the door and coming in.

 ‘’Hey!’’he said and threw himself on the black leather sofa.He took a slice of the pizza that was on my plate and ate it.

 ‘’Hey!That was my pizza.’’I complained and slightly hit his shoulder.’’Too bad you can’t have it back now!’’he laughed evilly and walked to the editing room probably to edit the newest Lunchtime.

 ‘’What do you wanna do today?’’Ian turned around and sat cross-legged so that he could face me.He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and waited for my reply.I wasn’t in the mood of going out that time and I hoped he would understand.

 ‘’Well,how about staying inside and watch a movie?’’I replied full of hope but his expression on his face turned from happy to grim.I put the plate back at the table and looked at my hands.His beautiful mesmerizing eyes were burning my face as he kept looking at me.He sighed and held my pale,ice-cold  hands.

 ‘’Violet,I’m worried.Look at you!’’he pointed at my face and and touched my cheek.’’You have lost a lot of weight,you don’t sleep and you seem so lifeless. Your hair is thicker than before and you don’t have the vivacity you had when I met you.It’s been almost a month since I saw you in the shop,full of happiness and warmth ,and I love you more as the days pass.’’not taking his eyes of me,he waited patiently for me to say something.But I couldn’t.A small tear brought the other and there I was,in Ian’s comforting hug,crying my eyes out.I hadn’t cried like that in days and I was actually a bit happy that I knew I was even alive.