Drive » Haylor AU

21 - Catch Fire

"I can't change the world, but maybe I'll change your mind." ~5 Seconds of Summer

(a/n it's another one of those situations where the song is 100% accurate so please take a listen :) )

TAYLOR'S POV

Being back home was weird. Life was surprisingly close to the way it was before I left LA, except this time, everything seemed duller. People were constantly bustling around our house and I never seemed to have a moment to myself, which was, in retrospect, probably a good thing.

If I had had a moment to think, I would have gone mad. Thoughts of the curly haired boy were still clouding my mind, but these were luckily often interrupted by things I had to do.

I barely said 20 words before Selena showed up. I had nothing to say to anyone here and spoke only when it was necessary for me to answer a question. I felt numb; Not sad, not angry, not frustrated, just numb. Days passed with me feeling empty and deflated, wanting nothing more than to feel something. Anything. But, it never came. Not until Selena returned.

It was raining when she arrived. Central Park was wet and empty outside my large windows, that were speckled by the rain, giving the whole scene a quite dramatic feel. Since this was one of the rare occasions where I had a few hours to myself, I sat on the windowsill with my back against the wall as I leaned on the cold window. I would have been shivering if it weren't for the woolen blanket around me and the steaming mug of coffee in my hands. There was a boombox at the other end of the room softly playing music from my phone. Olivia sat at my feet. God only knows where Meredith was.

I gazed down at the park, sipping my coffee and listening to music, for what felt like hours until I heard a small knock on the door.

All I could muster was a frown and a small "Yes?"

The door opened a crack, revealing a head of brown hair that I knew all too well. "Hey Tay."

"Sel!" I smiled immediately.

Selena stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "How ya doin'?"

I shrugged. "So-so. Care to join me?"

She smiled and stepped up to the window, shooing Olivia off and sitting down across from me. Good thing the window was wide.

I gave her some of the blanket, lifting it up at my feet so she could grab it and spread it on her lap.

"You want some coffee?", I asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

Selena snickered. "He failed to turn you British then, did he?"

I glared at her. "Fine. Could've just said no either."

"Taylor," she sighed. I didn't respond. "Milk and Cinnamon?"

"Always."

"Can I still have some?" Selena seemed careful as she asked, making me feel even more emotionally fragile than I already was.

I just nodded and handed her the half empty mug. She took a sip. We sat like that for a couple moments, watching the rainy streets outside my window, before Selena spoke up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I just shrugged.

"I mean, I understand if you don't but I'll listen if you do decide to. It might help, ya know." She handed the mug back to me as she finished, letting me take a sip.

"I know. I just feel empty, I guess. Like, nothing I do really matters." I dropped my gaze to my hands, that still help the steaming mug securely.

Selena frowned. "That's not true though. If you wanted to you could go out and find him right now."

I shook head. "No. He wouldn't want to see me. He made that pretty clear when he left on Wednesday morning."

"He was scared."

"You don't know him, Selena."

"I know," she sighed, "but when I met him that was what he told me."

I froze. "You met him?"

"Yeah. As you know, I was living with Niall for a little and Harry came home while I was there. I asked him why he left and he said that he didn't do well with goodbyes and he couldn't bear to see you cry again." She admitted this somewhat shyly, seeing as how she had kept this from me over text. Her red nails fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she looked down at her lap.

The room was completely silent apart from the rain for a couple seconds, seeing as how my phone was between songs. It was broken by some very familiar guitar riffs.

Oh say, can you see?
This is not who I'm supposed to be.
Without you I'm nobody, killing time.

I tried to deceive,
tried to win you desperately.
Now I'm lost in a swirling sea of your sorry eyes.

Selena smiled at me expectantly as I made eye contact. I just shook it off.

All my life I've been waiting for moments to come.
When I catch fire,
and watch over you like the sun.
I will fight to fix up and get things right.
I can't change the world, but maybe I'll change your mind.

I looked up shyly.

"C'mon Tay."

I shook my head again.

Oh say, do you know?
I'm a fool in a one man show.
I'm a broken stereo, out of time.
So, how does it feel?
All alone, is it so surreal?
'Cause the ghost of survivor's guilt can be so unkind.

I found myself thinking the lyrics over as the chorus repeated. A frown made it's way to my face. If I went, I might get Harry back, but maybe not, and I would be risking not only embarrassment and rejection, but also a further destruction of the life I had here.

"Taylor." Selena's voice was firm.

I looked up.

"In twenty years, what would you regret more. Going to find Harry, or not going to find Harry."

I smiled. "First off, you're quoting John Green. And second, that really depends on the outcome of either decision, Selena."

Selena shook her head at me, but smiled. "Shut up and go conquer the world, Tay."

The words you speak surrounding me.
This is broken love in the first degree.
The air you breathe is haunting me.
Maybe I'll change your mind.

I found myself throwing things back in my duffel bag as the song played on and on (Selena had of course put it on repeat).

Since my parents we're out of the house, I left them a short note before walking out the door, leaving my life behind determinedly for the second time. Catch Fire was still on repeat as I boarded the airplane with my headphones securely on my head. I took a deep breath as I looked out the small window.

I can't change the world - I know that I can't change the world - but maybe I'll change your mind.

Maybe this would work. Maybe, just maybe, Harry would want to fuck up a small part of the world with me.

______________________

hiiii

(pls excuse my writing i feel like it's absolute shit rn)

I realize that this chapter is only about half the length of my others, but
1) i'm on vacay
and
2) this is just one of those chappies that needed to happen but just isn't very long.

keep smiling lovelies! x