sorry » im youngmin

6.0

my mom was screaming, yet again. she slammed the front door shut and stormed out of the house.

my knees fell to the ground. the tears would not stop falling. my hands reached for my back where my mom hit me. the bruises were red and it was stinging.

i deserved it.

because i'm the useless daughter that no mother would want to give birth to. placed last in my entire school for examinations. barely does anything at home, not even housechores. poor mom, having to raise a child like me that wastes her money on new clothes, albums and concert tickets. thoughtless child who does not think for anyone else.

i've been raised by only my mother and her income is just enough to support both of us.

and her only child can't even score for examinations.

i felt suffocated. i'm tired. i'm tired of giving myself high expectations yet i can't keep to it. i'm tired of giving myself stress. i'm tired. of being me.

here it is. one of the days where i just want to die. im drowning in my own negativity. i just want to scream and cry my hearts out. in all honesty, i really just want to run away. ive never felt this much of the urge to kill myself. ive disappointed myself, my mom, teachers and even youngmin, who spent alot of time teaching me almost every single subject.

no doubt, my performance in school has been deteriorating ever since donghyun's death. i wasnt the same. everyone in my class noticed how much i've changed. afterall, it was my fault anyway for being too attached to donghyun. i couldve still led a normal life without being greatly affected by his death. everyone around me knew, that he was a very important and a big part of my life. how can i live my life if literally half of me is gone?

my heart aches. thinking of how much of a failure i am. when the doorbell rang, i was still on the floor. i tried to gather all the energy that is left in me to wash my face in the kitchen before i greet the person behind the door.

to my surprise, it was youngmin. he clearly noticed my red eyes, sunken lips.

he knew i needed someone. he embraced me into a hug. it was the first time youngmin and i had so much contact.

both of us are not very much into skinship and it was the first time i got hugged by a guy. i guess he was too worried for me that he forgot about the fact he don't do skinships and i guess i was too tired to even bother.

he patted the top of my head, his voice's was so soft as if he would hurt me if he were to speak normally.

"let's go out, somewhere"

i agreed.