sorry » im youngmin

10.0

"so...." i was anticipating youngmin to bring up about last night's topic. i have been waiting and waiting but all he does was just to eat in silence, oblivious to the fact that i have been staring at him for the past 10 minutes.

he raised an eyebrow at me when i nudged him.

as he swallowed his last piece of meat, he finallt spoke, " do you want to go to the beach? let's go to the beach." he smiled and got up. i guess he's playing dumb now.

i followed behind him, still annoyed about the fact how he kept delaying whatever he wanted to say. i guess i was being too impatient.

we alighted from the bus, and was greeted by the cold wind at the beach. i love going to the beach during winter, there's not much people around and it's just, nice.

i saw a couple chasing one another by the waters. they looked happy together. they were laughing happily, hugging and kissing one another.

"why, do you want a boyfriend now?" he laughed. i didn't realised youngmin followed my trail of sight.

"yah youngmin, do you remember? that time, when we had a school trip to vietnam. i was with donghyun and his friends. we saw the sunrise together. we even drew on the sand. do you remember how i fangirled to you about how good he looks like in hoodie and sweatpants? then later in the day, we saw the sunset together too." i smiled, staring across the sea.

i'd be lying if i were to say that i didn't miss him. i sighed. i grabbed a pebble and threw it aimlessly onto the sand. how i wish i could just throw away my feelings and memories as easy as that.

i continued on anyways, "he took such a good care of me, even though alot of his friends would be teasing him. when we did rockclimbing, i heard him cheer for me the loudest. if you were me, would you have thought that he was into you?"

"donghyun?" he sighed and turned to face me, his eyes were darker shade of brown, i had no idea what it meant. "do you know the reason why he took care of you?"

he continued after a short while, "because i asked him to"

i sighed and picked up more pebbles to throw. we were sitting down in the middle of the beach, the winds were getting lesser. the cold weather was more bearable now.

"so you're saying whatever he's doing was just because you asked him to? i don't believe that."

"and if i were you, i would have thought that he was really interested. not until he told his friends everything."

"what do you mean?"

he shooked his head and got up, walking towards the water. i groaned.

how many times has youngmin left me hanging with all the unanswered questions? it frustrates me alot. it was as if he did not trust me as his friend, despite our friendship for 8 years.

"im youngmin, i hate you so much." i said loud enough for youngmin to hear.

"i know! of course! because i'm not donghyun and i will never be him!" he shouted into the sea. then, he looked back at me.

my eyes widened to see tears rolling down youngmin's cheeks. i ran towards him but he quickly wiped it away.

"what's wrong with you? are you okay?"

as i reached for his face, he pushed my hands away.

"no, ari. what's wrong with you? why are you so blinded by him? can't you move on?" his eyes were staring into mine. his jaws were tense and veins on his neck could be seen. i've never seen youngmin like this.

"no guy ever listened to you just like how he did? then what am i? no guy has ever cared so much about you? then what have i been doing the whole fucking god damn time?"

"listen to me. remember whatever your mom said about donghyun in your room this morning? it was the truth. he slept with girls even though he already had a girlfriend. you told me you hate guys that treats women like toys. sex toys. he was one of them. but did you hate him? no. because he's donghyun. you think you're different from other girls that was why he did not treat you that way? you're not. he almost made you one of his toys but i warned that bitch to not touch you at all. and he makes fun of you behind your back, he played with your feelings. he was bragging to his friends on how you're so in love with him. he's a fucking snake. ari, you're god damn blind for fucks sake." hot tears were streaming down youngmin's face.

hearing those words, i felt tears building up. my heart aches more than it has ever did. youngmin rarely curse. youngmin rarely raised his voice at me. but now hearing him, i don't know what to feel.

youngmin sighed and ruffled his hair in annoyance, regretting his outburst. then, he pulled me into a hug and we stood there for 5 minutes. his hoodie soon became wet because of my tears.

it was hard for me to believe his words. i didn't want to believe it. but if youngmin has been keeping it in for a long time, i'm sure he did not want to break my heart. he kept the truth away from me to not upset me.

i felt lifeless by the time i pulled away from youngmin's arms. his hair was messy and his eyes were still red. so does mine.

"are you feeling better now?" his voice was soft, barely audible.

i nodded and smiled softly. looking at youngmin with his messy hair, i tiptoed and started tidying his hair. it was such a mess, as if he just woke up from sleep. his eyes were fixed on me when i did his hair. i noticed his eyes were light brown now.

just as we started walking back, the sun were starting to set. i looked to my left to see youngmin with the sunset at the background. it was as if his skin was glowing. the sunshine made youngmin's flaws on his face more obvious, but it was beautiful.

i liked the view, eventhough it reminds me so much of donghyun.

but this was youngmin.

a/n:

OKay but
DONGPACA UNIT DEBUT IM