I've always gotten in trouble for being myself
When I was in the third grade I got in trouble for not being good at spelling or reading out loud in class and often got yelled at by the teacher or was publicly humiliated by her in front of the class. she often announced the grades I made on any paper or test weather it was a 30% or an 80% it was never good enough and she even called home many times to tell my parents I needed to study more. I soon started to study until six in the evening but my work never got better. I would write until my hand cramped and then keep writing. I never got a break from it or the other constant studying and I didn't really have any friends at the time. I have always been a loner and hated being near to many people and especially if I didn't know them by now I have gotten used to she suffocating feeling in my chest and the shaking and heavy breathing and my quick heart beat but it will never feel normal in fact it makes me feel even dumber then the teacher made me feel. I don't think my parents will understand why I feel this way not even try and understand why I avoid situations like those but I still hope that one day they won't get upset when I don't want to go outside of the house or even my room so I can think or when I have my music blasting at the highest volume to drowned out my thoughts or when I just want to sit or walk outside by myself to hear those thoughts.
I just want to be myself for once I wish that wasn't much to ask.
