Sighs and Fire (Phan AU) (INCOMPLETE)

(1.4)

Phil.

I'm taken aback for a second. I'm just a little bit surprised seeing him there because oh my god he's real. After all this time it was him sending the gifts and it was him that wrote the letter and said that he wears my bracelets I sent to him so he feels close to me. I can see them now, dangling off his wrists and I notice that he's very pale, but I can tell that's just his skin tone and not from being nervous.

The wait for meeting has been torturous and unbearable but now he's standing there waiting for me. He's not seen me yet though since he's got his back to me and his head keeps turning left to right as if he's watching a tennis match. I'm a little glad about this because it gives me a moment to compose myself and figure out to what to say.

I shouldn't need to practice this and it's not fair on Phil for me to delay this any longer, so I take a deep breath and walk towards him. I know people can tell we're meeting for the first time and they slow their walk, some even just stop without bothering to hide it.

Somehow this builds pressure to the whole situation and I think Phil can sense the atmosphere because he turns around looking a little flustered, but his eyes land on his jumper that I'm wearing then up to my face and those blue eyes that look like they've stolen the soul of the ocean widen and I'm just close enough to hear a little gasp leave his mouth.

I put my hands behind my back because I read somewhere that it's best to start with an open stance and at least this way I can fiddle with my fingers and sleeves this way. I start biting my lip again because by Phil's expression it looks like he was expecting someone better; someone better looking or someone gentler, but to my relief he smiles after a couple of moments and another shade of red fills his cheeks.

He's wearing the other half of the semi-circle on his necklace, and it's dark blue, like mine is. He is breathtakingly beautiful and I feel like the luckiest boy in the world right now.

"H-Hi, I'm Dan," I introduce myself and I'm not sure if I should hug him or if it's too early for that so I stick my hand out in front of me instead but before I remember that it's probably too formal, Phil cautiously takes it anyway and shakes it.

"Phil," he replies. "How are you?"

"I'm good, you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay," he smiles again but glances sideways to see look at our audience and I can tell he doesn't like being centre of attention so I'm not surprised by his next suggestion. "You do want to- uh, get out of here? Go somewhere a bit more private?"

"Sure, where do you want to go?"

"There's a park nearby! I mean- if you uh, want."

"Wherever I'm with you," and I laugh as Phil as blushes even deeper.

"Stop," he whines and covers his cheeks with his hands but laughs along anyway with one hand moving to cover his mouth, and he's so painful cute I can feel my heart swelling up and I can already tell he's going to make me endlessly happy.

"You're adorable," I tell him and without thinking I run the back of my forefinger across his cheekbone because I feel as though I've known him for years.

"Uh, th-thank you," he stutters, beaming up at me since I'm just a couple of inches taller.

"Do you want to get going?"

"Yeah, okay, right, okay, let's go," but he doesn't start walking right away though but instead looks up at me, looking unsure. "Can I?" He asked, dropping his gaze down and I followed it down to see his hand open with his palm up.

"Can you what?" I'm a little confused because I'm not sure what this open hand gesture means since no one's ever asked me before.

"Can I- can I hold your hand?" Phil's embarrassed by asking this but I think I'm just the tiniest bit more embarrassed by not understanding because now it seems obvious.

"Oh! Right, yeah, of course you can," I've never held hands with anyone before so I'm trembling and my legs have turned to jelly. The people that are watching us are making it more difficult since I feel so in the spotlight which is something I try hard to avoid with stage fright being a trait of my personality. I know I can't be annoyed at the innocent passers-by because maybe it's rare to see two halves meeting for the first time, and maybe even rarer for these two halves to be boys.

Phil sighs in relief and giggles nervously, and we both watch as he very carefully places his hand next to mine so our palms are pressing together and then he slides his fingers in between mine. I'm not entirely sure what to do so I gently squeeze his hand and his face breaks into the biggest smile I've ever seen.

There's a couple murmurs of 'aww' around us but I don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable now but instead I've got a feeling that I've been waiting for as long as I could remember. I was being saved from this life that had been so isolating it was suffocating, but that was because I had unconsciously locked myself away with no way for anyone to get close to me. The walls I had built were beginning to crumble down and I was finally feeling alive. I'm complete, the missing puzzle piece has been filled by Phil. My heart's still thudding in my chest, but I'm not afraid anymore.