Life is unfair. I know that from experience. My friends know that to I guess. I hate how people are treated around here getting abuse for being bisexual or in a gay relationship. Why is it a problem to them? They just get under my skin and I just wish I could live like I do on the weekends. Stay out with friends and relax. But you actually have to work to survive in today's environment. A fact chavs don't realise.
"Some do drugs, others go out for a run, but at the end we're all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world" -unknown.
I can't keep fighting. I have friends on here but I think they know how bad I am anyway. If not I'm sorry I never told you. I don't want to be here anymore. Earlier when I was on the roof (where I like to relax and sit on the edge of a 4/5 multi-storey car park...long story) and my friend blue kept pulling me away from the edge. It hurts she doesn't trust me. No one does.
People get hurt in this lovely world of ours. But the world is so big sometimes there pain goes unnoticed and that's worrying. No one should have to hide their pain. When you self harm you never see the world the same. You always look for the little signs. The covering of the wrist (more adjusting than normal) the protection of the wrist moving out of the way and the general looking at their arm with that cold empty look inside. Like all hope is lost. Well guess what fuckers. Hope isn't gone. It's just...hibernating. It will come back it always does. Blue told me her dream funeral the other day. I don't want to have to bury her she's to good for that. Everyone I'm friends with deserves to be happy but they're not and it's killing me. I am a fuck up. There is no doubt in my mid about that and I need to make them realise they have time to change. There is only one way out for me, for now I'm not thinking about it. But I can't promise I won't because I know I'm going to. Whether I jump, drown, overdose or cut to deep...I feel death watching me almost daring me to fall off my pedestal and try again at the fortune wheel of death. The voices are getting louder to the point they scream at me. I'm fucking terrified of what's happening to me. But I have to be there for my friends. It's one of the last things on my bucket list.
