Well its been a while since i last posted and to be honest theres been no changes. Ive realised how much of an asshat and a royal **** i can be. I keep thinking of how i'll survive the 10 weeks of summer i have coming up soon. To put it bluntly? I dont know if i will make it. I have reasons to stay; friends, my brother but no one else. Thats worrying. I once said "I am but a small cog in the machine of life. With or without me the bigger more powerful cogs will continue to turn." In a way i was right. In another sense...dangerously wrong. The world is so cruel and vicious it makes other small cogs hold on and need the seemingly stronger cogs. I cant leave without hurting people. I hate that.
Blue has been bad. It kills me knowing i cant stop her. I havent told anyone how bad ive been recently because im worried theyll run off and laugh at how stupid i am. The worst thing that can ever happen is when a family member walks in on you when your preparing to...you know. My sister even though shes 10 still understands that there were to many bottles of pills on my desk for it to have just been "hay fever".
Im starting to break. But i cant. So i dont know where i am anymore. People stop my blades from cutting. But who's supposed to stop my mind from breaking.
~Sam~
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