I have come to the conclusion that i'm dying and i have to say i don't mind. That sounds so bad but its true. My lungs are slowly breaking due to heavy smoking and in general unfitness. I struggle to do simple tasks now. I get so light headed after a plain fag and it feels like I'm high but I'm not. It sucks. All i want to do is see her. But when shes in London its pretty hard. Right now shes in holland with family and I'm stuck in poole with no one. Apart from friends but they don't know how bad i am. I want to throw up right now for some reason but i just cant. I don't know how many days clean i am...a week maybe? Im losing the battle and I'm not putting a fight up anymore. Ive lost so many people i didn't want to lose. I just want to go somewhere cold and die. Sorry. Im still here for anyone who needs me but it may take me a while to reply as i cant see properly. Im such a fucking pussy. i cry all the time at the moment. Bye for now.
-sam
