TEASE. - The Memoir

1. Twilight

1. Twilight

"What do you mean you don't like music?" I asked as we cruised down the 10th Avenue bridge. It was late, the windows were down, and the radio was up. His eyes shifted from the road to me as the lights of the bridge passed us while we drove across. My eyes shifted from the sky above, to the boy beside me, and then back the road. He smiled, somehow lighting up the night surrounding us.

"I like music, but just for different reasons than you." He replied, still smiling. Although confused, I could tell he was trying to remain flirtatious and approachable. "You listen to the lyrics more than anyone I know, and I only really pay attention to the beats and instruments."

"Well it's not like I only listen to the lyrics, I know melodies and beats can paint emotions too," I commented, echoing his flirtatious tone. He was charming, attractive, and he was making me question something I never really spent time questioning. I began thinking of whether or not I pay too much attention to the lyrics of music I love and if I am abusing the artistic value of instrumentals. I was attracted to him instantly because he challenged my intelligence.

"Alright, alright." He concluded, knowing that particular conversation was fading. "So what do you want to do?" He asked, proving his comment from before about his indecisive personality.

"I don't mind, I love driving through cities this late at night. There's something magical about the street lights, the skyscrapers, the atmosphere. It makes me feel alive."

We went on from there, creating and defining the perfect night. A lot of the time spent on the drive was silent and wordless. The occasional sound of other cars and drunk people venturing between bars became a strangely comforting background soundtrack to the euphoria of the moment. For the most part, the drive was soundless.

However, despite the external silence, my thoughts were racing. This boy was making me appreciate just the simple presence of everything around me. Like his hands, one resting casually on his lap, the other on the steering wheel, planting the idea that was he was in control, but still liked to remain comfortable. Or the way he tried singing along to the radio, messing up the lyrics but still enjoying the song anyway. We had just met, and I was already comfortable just sitting there with him.

"Do you like pizza?" He asked, breaking the silence. His tone showed he was hopeful I'd answer in a certain way. I knew he wanted to get pizza, so I smiled, laughed, and replied quickly.

"Of course I like pizza." My tone was excited. I was hungry, and I could tell he had a place in mind to go eat.

He then drove over to his favorite pizza place in the city, barely a block from his apartment. We went in and he offered to pay for me. I allowed it, but he ended up getting my slice for free because we ordered pizza at 2 AM and the employee working didn't want to charge me for a 'mediocre' slice. But, my slice was fine. Talk about instant karma.

"Thank you anyway," I said gratefully once he saw the bill.

"You're welcome." He smiled back. The pizza was delicious, and we finished our slices as we pulled into his apartment's garage.

I followed him as he showed me to his place, a spacious one bedroom apartment full of mirrors and Marilyn Monroe posters. Bacardi and wine decorated a glass table in his dining room, along with a few glasses to pour the drinks in. He left to his room to change out of his work clothes and into sweatpants and an old shirt. He said he was putting on ugly clothes, but I thought he looked better in sweatpants anyway.

We watched videos on youtube and various movies that I cannot remember, possibly because we may or may not have had a few drinks before we started making out. He loved receiving hickeys and I loved giving them, so we clicked pretty well. We would talk about commitment between kisses, which is never good for a first date conversation, but at that moment we also weren't very good at deciding what would be appropriate to discuss. So I told him why we couldn't be together, at least not quite yet, (like everyone who isn't heartless would say) and then continued kissing him.

Afterwards, he told me that he felt like he was in Twilight as I gave him hickeys, and that despite them hurting now, they felt good when he was receiving them. In his mind, that made the pain worth it. I offered him tips on how to help them heal as soon as possible, but he wasn't interested in hiding them. Instead, he wore them with pride. For the next week, I smiled whenever he sent a picture to me or to his social media with his neck revealed. He was fearless and I helped him embrace that through the marks he wanted me to leave on his neck.

This boy was one of the first I met this summer, and he was my first lesson in the world of teasers. I fell for him pretty hard at first, but soon discovered with his help that I can't blindly give my total commitment to someone who I just met. He offered a realistic route into the reality of young love and helped with the decline of the toxically perfected ideals in my mind of what to expect from others at this age. He offered me twilight into the reality of my first summer in the city, and that's how he got his codename.

Anyway, here's to you, Twilight, and to those late nights at the clubs tipping drag queens and incorrectly singing along to the lyrics of the songs on the radio. Your commentary on my seemingly careless view on instrumentals inspired me to write this instrumental album just to prove I truly appreciate the emotions that can be painted through music alone. Thank you for being brave and honest with me, you toughened me up for the rest of the people on this album, and for that I'm forever grateful.