TEASE. - The Memoir

11. Glitch - (Bonus Chapter)

11. Glitch (Bonus Chapter)

We began at the very end of the summer. I remember riding in your car through the city as we drove through the streets that reminded me of my experiences with the men who came before you. You knew of the album and memoir I was creating, and after I described the familiarity of the streets, you asked me to expand on the details of my project. I told you all their stories, every memory that stuck, and grinned as I discovered that the details fascinated you. Looking back, I do not know if the thought crossed your mind, but I never seriously considered you a candidate to be included on TEASE., not until I began writing this.

Now that it's all over and done with, I can clearly see that you do belong with the rest. After all, what you did to me was what any tease would do, just over a longer period of time. Your teasing lasted months, rather than days, and without me detecting it, unlike the rest. You explained once the end was in sight you knew your family would pose a problem in our relationship. You knew, coming into the relationship, that since you didn't ask permission to date me, your mother would come to dislike me as your boyfriend. And like I promised, despite the absurdity, I am not upset with you. I tried to be, and I failed.

You told me it was because your family was old-fashioned—that despite everyone liking me, it couldn't work, simply because they were old-fashioned. What we had was cosmic, the connection between us was incomparable—at least it was to me. To you, however, what truly mattered was what others thought. And although I am not upset with you, I will not shy away from the fact that your decision was childish.

Some time has passed and your memory has yet to fade. You were once the one who drove me around for hours to find shoes I needed for an interview, the one who bought me ice cream without me having to ask, the one who gave me my favorite pair of jeans. Yet, you were also the one I worked hardest for. You were the one I disagreed with the most. You were the biggest challenge to me. I forget that often.

When things ended for good I reminded myself that this wasn't the first time we hit an obstacle. Our first attempt ended right before I left for a funeral. For whatever reason, my life filled with death soon after we began. My uncle and an old friend left this Earth within a week of each other, barely two weeks into our relationship. You told me I was too upset, that something had changed within me. You explained how your problem could not wait till after the funerals, which was untrue. It should have waited. You made the experience even more difficult. But I forgive you, because they would want me to. I understand that we had just started and that I was going through a lot. I understand that you couldn't handle providing the support I needed.

Despite what many of my friends claim to be a reason to spite you, this ending truly only makes me feel bad for you. A man of 20 years, unable to comfortably pursue relationships without your mother's approving nod. Your friends told you to listen to your family, like any unsure person would on such a matter. I was the only one telling you throughout all of your doubt to listen to yourself first and others second. You proved to be too passive to do so. That is why I feel bad for you.

I knew that deserting you to continue in this passive lifestyle would make moving on all the more unbearable for me, so I agreed to be your friend. To this day, I believe I still am the only one telling you to listen to yourself and to primarily trust your own judgment, a motto I can proudly say I learned from my mother. A mother of whom respects my judgment and views me more as a son than a child, clearly the reverse reality of the relationship between you and your mother.

That being said, I will remain your friend. I will be, in my eyes, perhaps one of your only true friends. I will push you to be a decisive man rather than a passive child. And I will remember the lessons you taught me, although I didn't see that you were teaching them until the lessons were already learned. And I will pray that one day you grow from this.

Your codename is Glitch for the reason I explained in your car when I first started expanding on the meaning of the album after you asked what your name would be if you were on it. I know if you ever read this you will remember why you have been given the name. As for everyone else who may question it, they don't need to know the reasoning behind it. It can remain ours forever. Hopefully, you will see the reasoning of the end of our relationship as only a glitch in your love life. The next time you pursue someone I hope you will only end it if they make you unhappy and not solely because, despite your happiness, they bother your family.

I hope you know I am here for you as a friend, and that I will gladly fight for you if you ever need someone to support your own decisions. Thank you for the lessons you already taught me, for the ones I have yet to learn, and for the ones I am learning currently. Thank you, Glitch.