TEASE. - The Memoir

8. Piano Man

8. Piano Man

6 months. 6 life changing months. All dedicated to you and hearing you at that piano.

Half a year can seem like half a century to someone at my age, and I spent them all with you.

Most of our memories were great. Some of the best musical moments included the times when you'd play your guitar before we went to sleep, how you'd sing the same song you sung all day in choir so I could hear it too, and how you played piano for me when we were motivated enough to go fight the cold, scurrying quickly over to the practice rooms across your campus. Other memories include our numerous adventures to the Mall of America, our time spent in Orlando at your aunt's wedding, and our heart to heart conversations that nurtured our souls and made us better people. Of course there were more good times, but those are the most memorable. I'll never forget those times, and I thank you for them.

You coached me through my first semester of college, dealt with my stress and occasional meltdowns, and still stayed by my side as my faithful companion. We started in September, and despite the weather getting cooler, we grew hotter.

You changed me, and overall it was for the better. At first, I thought it was too much of a change, but really it wasn't you that was changing me, it was the stage of life I was in. I had just left all I had known 400 miles away and dove into a new world here in a new city, here at a new college. You were the easiest target to blame my discomfort on, when really you were almost always the only thing actually comforting me. I apologize for those nights of unfair compromise, I shouldn't have asked you to sacrifice all that I did. But since I did, consequences went into effect.

After I had asked those things, those requests of unjust compromise, the temperature between us began plummeting. I missed the rush from before, the constant discoveries that were so common at the beginning of our relationship. You were perfect at the start, every new piece of knowledge I attained about you added to an array of features all making you this glorified man that I somehow had caught the eye of. You weren't perfect, and I should have accepted that. Like you accepted me as imperfect, I should have accepted your imperfections as well.

Months have passed since we ended things, seeming like years in my mind. Ages ago we would sing together in those practice rooms, I would record your ballads on my phone, and life was simple. Now, we sing hundreds of miles apart, I listen back to your ballads we recorded, and life isn't nearly as simple. I've moved on, but I'll never forget how you moved me.

This one's for you, Piano Man. You are always most comfortable next to the keys, allowing your fingers to dance around the notes like your mind once danced around me. Harmonies, melodies, luxuries, all existed in the sounds we created. Your favorite color is blue, and now whenever I hear your ballads my mind paints a bright, rich, and flowing blue watercolor, like the ones you painted for that class you took last year.

Wondering why you're on this album, Piano Man? Let me explain.

We ended things quickly and abruptly. So abruptly, in fact, we were still numb to the idea of ending it all. We didn't allow the reality of separating to marinate long enough. It was the end of the second semester, and you were going home to another state soon. We scheduled time to allow each other one last meeting, one last goodbye to exchange each other's things. We concluded that if we wanted, we'd get back together once you returned to Minneapolis in the fall. It seemed like a bad type of back-up plan, but it helped hide the tears for our last goodbye. Our decision to not rule out the possibility of a future for us was irresponsible, but it was the selfish type of remedy we both needed.

I didn't know it then, but it was clear at that point that we had changed. We were no longer committed, but we still cared. We weren't going to be teasing our minds with the taste of freedom anymore. Instead, we were now free, and we were going to start teasing each other.

Fast forward a month or two and we still were friends, just more distant than before. You messaged me, told me you were in love with me while we were together, but added that you weren't anymore. You completed your reveal by clarifying that you probably couldn't love me again, and because of that we also couldn't plan on anything once you came back to the city.

You taught me by giving me a taste of my own medicine. I learned through your teasing of such a tease. I knew deep down already that a romantic future between us wasn't going to happen, but you had to clarify that you felt the same way I did. By doing that, you earned your spot on the album, along with all the others, of whom I teased.

Yes, you're the only one that fooled me. And despite that, I still can appreciate all the things you did for me. You not only gave me the freedom to fool around with the rest of the guys on this album, you also inspired your own track on it.

That track, Piano Man, begins with one of your ballads. I don't know if you recall, but I always wanted to collaborate with you once I heard you play. The first half of the song is one of those clanky recordings we did last year, found in the depths of my phone's history. The second half is relative to what I hear now while thinking of you and those ballads. And yes, that voice over you can hear of me is my commentary after you finished playing me one of your songs. And before you ask-- Yes. Like I state in the recording, you really did sound good.