Bad At Love | Halsey

I Would Be Happy

She lets out a little moan, making me flinch in surprise. She's still asleep. But I can't sleep at all. My brain won't stop thinking.

I lie awake, looking up at my ceiling. Ash rolls over, suddenly throwing her arm around me. I gasp in surprise, but she doesn't wake up. She snuggles into my side like a cat before calming down again.

I look down at her face. She's so beautiful. Her nose twitches sightly, as if something's tickling it. My eyes flicker to her lips, and I find myself staring. I know how they feel against mine. I've never kissed anyone like that since. It's like our lips were made for one another like puzzle pieces. No lips fit mine like hers do. Hers did.

She's single now. But would saying something be taking advantage of her? But I can't just deny my feelings—although that's exactly what I've been doing for the past three years. What's a few more?

But what if I can never love anyone else? I would die alone. I'd buy fifty dogs and become a crazy dog lady. As appealing as that sounds, I couldn't just forget about Ashley.

Now this is why I don't like not being able to sleep. I just wind up thinking and overthinking about everything.

I close my eyes again, trying to sleep. I can hear Ash breathing beside me. Suddenly, a feeling of awe overcomes me. She's a living being. She's breathing. She's alive. She has her own personality and quirks. She has her own likes and dislikes. She's her own person.

And then I realize that she hasn't been her own person for years—ever since she met Grant, anyway. I wonder if her personality will return now. That would be amazing.

I find myself smiling slightly, and finally, I start to doze off.

———

I don't know how long I was asleep, but I hear Ash moving around. Too drowsy to open my eyes, I just lie there. She pulls her arm off me, and then she stops moving. She could have just changed positions. But I feel the strong sensation that she's watching me.

"Lolo?" she whispers, but I don't open my eyes. I don't know what comes over me, but I remain motionless.

I hear her let out a sigh. "I would be happy, too," she says softly, and my mind begins turning its gears again.

What the fuck is she talking about?

She sighs again before moving once more. It sounds like she rolled over, and I open my eye slightly.

Her back is to me, and I open both my eyes. What is she talking about?

"I know you're awake," she says without rolling over, and I flinch. "You've always sucked at pretending to sleep."

"Yeah," I respond, rolling over and staring at the back of her head.

"You know what I'm talking about?" she asks, and I bite my lip.

"No," I admit, and she lets out a sigh.

"Never mind."

A/N

I don't have anything to say lmao but I'm hoping I can get this story going