Bad At Love | Halsey

This Is It

"Ashley," I say, walking inside my home.

"Lauren," she says, immediately coming out of the kitchen. I close the front door behind me and look at her. She's been crying, and normally, I would feel pain for her. But not now.

"I talked to Grant," I say coldly, and her face falls.

"I can explain—" she starts, but I move past her, starting up the stairs.

She follows me, but I ignore her.

"I love you. It only happened once," she says, but I walk into the bedroom. "Lauren, please listen to me."

I go over to the closet and start tearing her clothes off the hangers, throwing them behind me. I'm filled with pain and rage. I just want to scream.

"Lauren—"

"Why?" I spin around and look at her. "Why would you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry."

"You told me you loved me. I've loved you for years, Ashley. Don't you understand?" My voice breaks slightly, and I bite my lip.

"I love you, too."

"You don't! If you did, you would never sleep with him," I respond, tears brimming in my eyes.

She looks down. Her braid is now a mess. She lets out a breath before looking up again. "It just happened. I didn't want to do it. He—"

"You didn't want to do it? Really? Then why didn't you just tell me? That's rape, Ash."

"It wasn't."

"Well what the fuck was it, then?"

She doesn't respond, and that's when I know there's no helping her. Or me.

She had me, but it still wasn't enough. Nothing is ever enough for her.

I look down. I can't even look at her without imagining her with him. Did she make those same noises? Did she make those same expressions of pure bliss? Did she drag her nails down his back, too?

"Lauren," she says, her voice thick.

"Ashley," I respond, still looking down. "It wasn't just once, was it?"

"No," she replies, barely audibly.

"When did it start?"

"The...the black eye," she says, and I suck in a breath.

"Did you want to?"

"No," she says, and I look up slightly. When our eyes meet, I only see her kissing Grant. I can't do it. I turn around.

"He raped you," I say, not asking.

"Yes."

"But after?"

"I...wanted to? I don't even know."

I don't even know if I can believe her. I don't know what to believe.

I let out a breath and force myself to look at her. She meets my eyes. Her hazel eyes are filled with pain, and I feel my heart clench, despite everything.

"I think it goes without saying that I want you to leave," I tell her in monotone, and she nods.

This is it. 

A/N

finally updated yay