"I like your arms the way they are. "
Written on 7/28/17
Sorry. This is loosely based off of personal experience so. Yeah.
Numb.
Numb.
Numb.
That's all Tyler felt.
•••
Emotions are a funny thing. One minute you can be laughing until your crying and then, like a switch turned off, your back to your original sad, depressed self. At least that's the way Tyler saw it. People always questioned why Tyler never went outside, never smiled, never felt happy. Eventually, after saying he was okay enough, they left him with his shattered mind. He never really accepted or believed he was depressed, he'd rather just try to ignore the things that haunted him at night.
Josh was different than what Tyler was in the best way possible; he was bold, spontaneous, and full of laughter constantly. When Josh said he was okay he felt okay. Happiness was something he always had and that's something Tyler always craved to have in his life.
"Hey Tyler come here!" Josh said joyfully to Tyler as they were in his room.
"What?"
"I found this," Josh said as he handed Tyler an old dirty looking book.
"That's mine."
"What is it?" Josh said furrowing his eyebrows and standing up from his spot on the bed and moving over to where Tyler was standing.
"It's embarrassing, don't worry about it," Tyler said spitting it out more harshly than he intended to.
Josh decided it would be best to leave it alone instead of pressing forward on the matter.
"If you don't wanna tell me, do you want to go on the roof?"
"Sure," Tyler said thankfully as both boys headed to the window on the opposite side of the room.
•••
Both boys laid on the roof of Tyler's house not having a single care of the world that was around them.
"Hey, Josh, can I ask you something?" Tyler said biting his inner cheek in a nervous habit.
"You can ask me anything."
"C-Can you here tonight?"
"Of course, but can I ask why?"
"I don't feel good," Tyler said knowing it went way deeper than just that.
"Being out here won't help you feel better, come on, let's go inside so you can rest," Josh said playing a motherly role.
"C-Can you sleep here to-tonight?" The smaller boy said as anxiety flowed through his bones.
•••
"Will you be honest with me Tyler?" Josh said as they sat on his bed of hours later of silence.
"Sure, what do you want to know?"
"Are you sad?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, sad, sad," the older boy said regretting asking the question.
"You mean depressed?" Tyler corrected.
"I guess, yeah."
"Yes," the smaller boy said with no hesitation.
Josh's mouth just formed an 'o' and it remained that way for a minute.
"Why?" Josh asked wanting answers.
"Don't worry about it," Tyler said as he scooted away from the boy.
"Tell me why, I wanna help."
"I don't know."
"The hell do you mean you don't know?" Josh said.
"I don't know why you would want to help someone like me, someone as messed up as me, why, Josh, why?" Tyler said breaking for what could be the last time.
"B-B-Because I like you, a lot," Josh stuttered out frightened of his own words.
"Oh."
Tyler climbed off of his bed and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" Josh asked watching the boys every move.
"I don't know," Tyler said as he closed the door behind him leaving a confused Josh in his room.
The older boy wasn't a type to give up too easily so he decided to jump up and follow him like a lost puppy. Tyler was caught off guard as his bedroom door swung open revealing Josh behind.
"Leave me alone," the smaller boy said as he walked down the stairs grabbing his coat.
"I wanna help."
"Why, Josh, why?"
"I don't want you to be like me so please just let me," Josh said as he ran down the stairs to stand in front of the boy,"don't leave me alone."
"I have to."
"Why, Tyler, why?" Josh said retorting back.
"I'm done with this and I'm done with you, your no different than anyone else who's ever tried to help me!" The smaller one said snapping,"everyone who's ever tried to help, help for a little then when they realize how broken I am, they leave and I know you'll leave too so I'm gonna leave before you can."
With that, Tyler slammed the front door in front of Josh's face leaving the stronger boy with his jaw dropped to the floor. Josh ran out the front door to chase down Tyler but the boy had already got in his car and drove off.
"He can't help me, no one can, right?" Tyler said as he was talking to himself.
Tyler wasn't paying attention, his teary eyes blurred his vision so, in result, he molded his car into the shape of a tree. The boy was a goner at this point until he heard sirens in the far off distance.
Leaving it at a cliff hanger bc those are always fun :-) this is gonna be the last update for awhile I'm gonna be gone for a little bit.
This was very rushed and unedited so sorry its not the best.
