Dear Jacky

6/17

Hi Jacky! I saw Danny writing letters to you. I thought it would be a cool thing to do. I miss you Jacky. I really do. Everyone told me that you left. I thought they meant like on vacation. They didn't mean on vacation. They meant like dead. Danny told me that like four days ago. I didn't believe him at first but everyone was crying. Like everyone. Then I believed them. I'm getting Danny to check my spelling for everything. I want this letter to be better than Danny's. It will be because I'm writing it. Do you ever get tired of reading Danny's letters? I would. Like I love him and all but he must get annoying to you sometimes. I mean you guys were supposed to get married. You guys were supposed to live in a castle and have a pet rock and live happily ever after. I was going to say puppy but Danny would kill the puppy. I think a rock is the safest thing for you two. You could've been a mommy! My mommy is a meanie but you wouldn't have been anything like her! You would've been the best mommy ever! She would've had pretty blue eyes like Danny's and long blonde hair like Rapunzel and she would've been really pretty like you. And I would've been an Auntie to a girl because guys are yucky. Well except for Sammy and Daddy and Danny.I didn't really like Paul when he came to see you. He didn't really care as much as Danny or Ally did. Did you know Rapunzel means lettuce? I learned that in school. Well on the internet actually but in school. Are you having fun in heaven? Daddy told me you were happy in heaven. That you were watching me. Did you see me waving to you? Did you wave back? Danny freaks me out sometimes. He says that he can feel you sometimes. After Danny told me you died I wouldn't leave me room except to pee. Danny came into my room though. He started talking to me about you and how he felt when he found out and stuff. It didn't really make me feel any better but he was the only one that tried to talk to me. Just him trying made me feel a little better. He told me how when he writes to you he can feel you. Like you're right behind him or something. But you're dead. You can't be there. I think he's going a little kookoo. Why'd you die? How'd you die? Everyone says that they're going to tell me when I'm older but I wanna know now. I'm old enough. I'm seven almost eight. Just because Sammy is ten doesn't mean anything. It's not like he's better than me. Daddy says he's more mature. But he's not. He's a butthead. But so are the people I go to school with. They're really mean Jacky. They tell me that you died because of me. Why would they say that? Was it my fault? Everyone keeps telling me it wasn't. They keep making fun of me. Why do they do that? Sammy has been trying to stop them but they won't stop. They're really mean. They keep saying I'm ugly and gross and I'm never going to get married and that no one loves me. You love me. Right? Sammy and Danny and Daddy love me right? I don't care if Mommy loves me. She's a meanie. I don't love her. But the people I love love me back right? Sammy said that they're dumb. But they're actually not. They're actually really smart. I'm smarter but they're really smart. They keep calling me stupid though. I'm not even allowed to say that word. If you were still alive would you help me? Would you tell them to stop being mean? Do you think they would stop? I hope so. They're a whole bunch of meanies. I don't like them. At all. They think they're so cool with their ears pierced and bad words but they're not. Daddy says we might be moving. I don't want to move though. If we move you're room won't be here anymore. I go into your room when I miss you. And you're secret cave thingy. I go in there too. I remember when me and you went in there and had a party. That was fun. I miss that. I wrote about that in my diary. I still have the picture you took of us. It was a lot of fun. And then after the party you and me fell asleep in there. It was the first night I fell asleep without my stuffies. I haven't needed to sleep with them since! Are you proud of me? I mean I sleep with them now because they remind me of you and stuff but other than that I don't. No one likes me at school. I have no friends. Does that make me weird? Daddy says that Sammy is my friend but he's my brother. He doesn't count. He has to be my friend. We're related. Daddy says he's my friend too but he doesn't count either. Family doesn't count. I don't have any friends that count. Maybe if we do move I'll make some friends. Do you think so? Maybe the girls at my new house will be nicer. Maybe they won't call me mean names and things. I hope so. If you were here they wouldn't be doing that. Maybe if you were here we wouldn't be moving. Or I would be excited about moving. Daddy says it would be better for all of us if we moved. He hasn't told me where yet. He just said it's far far away. Maybe we're moving into a castle. I hope so. With little fairies and a pony and all that fun stuff. We went to dinner two nights ago. I played with Sammy in the arcade. Some girls and guys from school were there. They started making fun of me and Sammy got mad. Sammy tried punching him but they all ganged up on him. The girls just started being mean to me. Danny came in and broke it all up. He said he saw it all on the little TV. He said he was going to talk to Daddy about it but I don't think he ever did. The kids at school are mean now Jacky. They don't get it. They don't get how much we all miss you. I heard Danny tell Daddy that he's afraid I'm going to be just like you. I don't know why that would be a bad thing. I love you Jacky. I miss you. I can't wait to see you again. Love Carrie ♡