Since youve been gone

Chapter 3

Tristan's P.O.V

Monday June 6th, 2007

I woke up on the couch the next morning. I don't really remember falling asleep but it doesn't matter, today is my first day working for Alexis' father. The shop is 15 minutes away so I had about an hour if I want to get there by 9. I'm really determined to not mess this up. I have a tendency to mess things up. I got fired from my job at the bookstore with Alexis a few months back because I was being rude to a customer. I didn't think telling her we didn't have the book she wanted was being rude but I got fired anyways.

I guess I deserved it because I'm useless. Alex says I'm not but that doesn't change how I feel about myself. I can't do anything right, I always say the wrong thing or I do something stupid to mess things up. I deserve everything that happens to me. I know that if Alex knew any of this she would fill her shit and not leave my side till I was happy again. The sad part is I know I'll never be happy again, I've accepted it, I don't deserve it. But because I don't want anyone to know I act like I'm happy and I've become really good at it. No I haven't hurt myself on purpose...yet. I'm really close to it though. I don't know how much I can take. I can't hold everything in forever.

I pulled up to the garage and saw Mr. Hill standing outside, I put on my best fake smile and parked my truck, I took I deep breath as I walked over to the faint green building.

As soon as I walked through the door I was greeted warmly by five other men. I looked around for Mr. Hill and saw him standing at the front desk talking to someone I couldn't see. But as soon as I got a little closer I realized it was Alexis and I smiled. She saw me coming and waved which made Mr. Hill turn around.

"Hello Mr. Marks, you're early," he said putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I didn't know what time you wanted me to come so I thought I might as well come early," I replied honestly.

"You're fine, it's your first day so I'm going to have Alex show you a little bit of what to do. I'm gonna have you in the back room for now so she can show you around the shop till she leaves for work at noon. Does that sound good."

"Yes sir-"

"Call me Mr. Hill or Sean if you feel like it. I've known you pretty much your whole life don't start calling me it now. It's weird and makes me feel old."

Alex chuckled and I blushed.

"Alright Mr. Hill, thank you, it sounded weird to me too."

He laughed and I felt a small weight being lifted off my shoulders.

For the next few hours Alexis showed me around the shop, introduced me to the workers and she showed me how to answer the phones. Around 11:30 we went to subway and got two sandwiches then we walked to the bookstore. When she finished eating she said she had to go and she wished me good luck on the rest of my first day. She gave me a hug and she kissed my cheek before she went to get ready because her shift started in 2 minutes. I sat there for about 30 seconds until I got up and went back to my job. Mr. Hill greeted me when I entered through the back I said hello and went to my room which was in the front of the store. The time went by really slow. I got two phone calls and Mr. Hill had me run to the grocery store to pick up some food for dinner tonight. It seemed like everyone liked me but I don't really know, it's only been a day.

My shift ended at 5 and even though I hardly did anything I was really tired. But instead of going back home I went to go see Alexis because she doesn't get off till 8 on Mondays.

I couldn't find her right away but eventually I found her downstairs with the younger kids. She was reading to a little girl that was sitting on her lap. I pulled out my phone and took a picture before she noticed I was there. I couldn't help but smile when I sent the picture and said "you would be a great mom." I like to send her little things like that because she really wants to grow up and be able to have a family but she's not able to have kids. I know it doesn't bother her anymore, she says they always make her smile. After that I went and sat down to play with some Legos.

About five minutes later Alexis showed up with her phone in her hand. I smiled an little bit and she just stood there looking at me hiding her smile.

"Why do you always feel the need to take pictures of me when I'm with children?" she asked.

"I can't help it," I said standing up.

I could tell it was getting harder for her to keep from smiling.

"You're weird Tris."

"I know, I embrace it."

She laughed and looked at her phone again.

"Come on, my shift is over, I want to get out of here."

I followed her out and we walked to her house. Her dad was in the kitchen making the pasta I picked up earlier. I texted my mom letting her know I was eating there and she told me when to be home. We talked until dinner was ready and after we cleaned up we went to watch T.V for a little bit.

Around 9:30 it started to get bad again. I was thinking about everything that happened today and I picked out all the things I did wrong. I felt like I was going insane. I really needed to tell someone but I didn't want them to worry about me. I told Alexis I had to go and she said she would give me a ride. As we pulled into my driveway I said goodbye and she said she would see me soon. I just nodded my head. As soon as I got inside I went to the bathroom that is attached to my room. I sat there in front of my mirror just looking at myself. I don't know why but I started crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't honestly have a reason to hate myself but I do and I can't help it.