In Love With My Band Mate (JOSHLER)

13

Major T/W this chapter does include mentions of self harm and attempted suicide if you don't feel comfortable with that don't read this or if you do read at your own risk.
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When I got home I didn't bother to unpack I knew what I was going to do. I walked over to my bedside table and pulled out a notebook and pen and sat on my bed with tears already forming in my eyes and started to write.
Tyler,
I'm sorry it has to end this way but you don't want me in your life anymore and neither does anyone else I know. Please do not blame yourself for this at all I love you Tyler Joseph keep living your dream and helping people around the world. I wish you luck in finding a new drummer and I'll be watching over you wherever I go. I hope you and Jenna have an amazing life and beautiful kids together, something we will never have because this is the end for me. I don't think I was supposed to make it this far but Tyler thank you. You saved me when I needed it but this time....you can't. Tell my parents and the clique I'm sorry but I just couldn't carry on anymore. I love you Tyler never forget that.
                                 Love,
                                    Your Joshua<3
I finished writing the note and placed it on my drawer knowing Tyler would probably be the one to find it and walked in my bathroom grabbing out something I haven't used since I met Tyler and a bottle of pills.
I took the pills and put them in the palm of my hand turning on the bathroom sink and grabbing a cup filling it with water.
Quickly I put all the pills in my mouth and swallowed them washing them down with the water.
Before I could fall unconscious I slid down the wall and took the shiny piece of metal and slid it across my arms over and over, getting deeper with every cut and soon moved to my thighs doing the same.
I dropped the blade and felt the blood pouring out of me and soon felt myself falling into a darkness.
The last thing I remember is hearing two voices shout my name and seeing two familiar silhouettes running in before I faded into the blissful darkness.

                Tyler's POV
(Bet you weren't expecting that)
After I said what I did to josh I immediately regretted it and burst into tears.
"Tyler you did what's best." Jenna said and tried to comfort me.
I pushed her away and got up.
"No I didn't I just killed my best friend and it's your fault." I said harshly and ran upstairs throwing all my things in a bag and grabbed my keys.
"Tyler where are you going?" She asked when she saw me.
"I'm going after the one who would've never made me chose. He's probably contemplating suicide or already there and don't tell me I'm over reacting I know him better than anyone else so get out of my way." I said and pushed past running downstairs and out the door to my car.
I opened the door and got in throwing my bag in and jumped in starting the car not bothering to buckle up.
I sped out of the driveway and started driving to the airport at the fastest I could go.
I was lucky I don't live too far from the Columbus International Airport (idk if that's an actual airport let's assume it is)
I got there in record speed and grabbed my bag jumping out of my car and ran in the airport.
I ran to the desk.
"I need your soonest flight to Los Angeles California." I said.
The woman looked at her computer and back at me.
"Our soonest flight is in 10 minutes." She said.
"I'll take it." I said and yanked my wallet out giving her the money for the ticket. (666 words)
She printed it out and i took it and ran having to go through security.
As soon as I did I was running again and made it to the gates in time to board my plane.
I showed the flight attendant my ticket and went to my seat.
I knew this flight was going to be filled with anxiety. I pulled my phone out and texted Brendon knowing he was a close friend of Josh's. I told him meet me at Josh's in about an hour and put my phone on airplane mode as the plane took off.
                           ✈️
The flight was definitely filled with anxiety but the minute the plane landed I got a horrible feeling that something wasn't gonna be right. When we got to the gates I jumped up and ran off the plane and through the terminal.
I had a small enough bag to be a carry on so I didn't have to go to any baggage claim.
I ran out the doors and caught a taxi.
I gave the driver Josh's address and told him drive quickly.
When we arrived at Josh's I gave the driver a $100 for getting me here so fast.
I jumped out and ran to his door where Brendon was pacing and he looked up at me.
"Tyler wha-" I cut him off.
"No we need to get in now I'll explain later." I said.
He nodded and we ran in Josh's house up to his room.
When I saw he piece of paper laying on the desk I didn't even have to read it all I knew is it wasn't gonna be good. I dropped my bag and ran to the bathroom and busted the door open with Brendon on my heels and sure enough I found josh bloody and with an empty bottle of pills in his hand.
"JOSH!" I said and ran over to him kneeling down Brendon doing the same.
"No no no please no josh please I'm so sorry!" I screamed and cried.
"Brendon call 911!" I shouted and pulled Josh's head into my lap.
"Please don't let go josh please don't let go. Stay alive for me I'm here Joshy I'm here." I said tears streaming down my face.
The rest was a blur for me. The paramedics, the trip to the hospital, everything.
The next thing I knew we were sitting at Josh's bedside while he was hooked up to machines.
"So....do you wanna tell me what happened?" Brendon asked, holding Josh's hand. He had tear tracks running down his face and I could see it in his eyes it hurt him as much as it hurt me seeing josh this way.
"I don't wanna talk about it right now." I mumbled. 
He nodded and held Josh's hand in his own.
Ever since him and Sarah split he has leaned on josh to bring him up they were stuck together for the longest and I'm pretty sure they have feelings they neither one of them want to admit or maybe Brendon will but not josh.
"Hey Brendon...." I said quietly.
He looked up at me from Josh's face. "Yeah?" He asked.
"You love him?" I asked him.
I saw the slight red come to Brendon's face.  
"Yeah.....I think I do." He said.
"He deserves it he's an amazing person." I said.
"He doesn't feel the same." Brendon mumbled. "I told him I was he smiled at me and hugged me but he said he didn't have the same feelings but it wouldn't ruin our friendship." He said.
I nodded. "Did he give a reason?" I asked.
"He's in love with you." Brendon said and toyed with Josh's fingers.
I felt the heat rise to my cheeks then I remembered that's the reason he's here.
"I-he told me and Jenna made me make a choice...." I started. 
I knew I had his full attention.
"I chose her I told him leave this is my fault." I said and burst into tears.
Brendon got up and came to comfort me as I cried.
"He loves you Tyler. I don't think anything would ever change that not even me and I don't have love like this for anyone else." He said.
"You would be better for him." I told Brendon.
He shrugged. "Get some sleep Tyler. God knows you need it." He said.
I nodded and layed on the cot as Brendon sat in the chair.
I fell asleep leaving Brendon to be at Josh's side over the night as I dreamt of a happy life with josh. A life where none of this was real and hopes of waking up and none of this being real life.