In Hell We Dance

Broken

-Connor-

I don't even know... I... Fuck. I'm out of it. Out of everything. An indescribable, white-hot rage. Disappointment is saved for myself, not him. Never him.  What the fuck even is he...?

I caused this. I thought avoiding Isaac was like ripping the bandaid off. The pain would cease, and I'd be free of his taint on my heart. I spent more time with Oscar, trying to repair that bridge—not that that went very far. Oscar and I were just two peas in two very different pods. We could jump into the other bean sac and... Wait a sec, that sounds wrong.

I mean, we...

Shit, this isn't the time. I tried to restore balance in my life, basically. I tried to push Isaac out of my life and imagine a life free from his shit. The reality? I was gloriously lazy with only the exciting bouts of productivity. Yeah, shit. Things are happening. I can get so much done!

Fuck... I was mostly lazy. For the grand total of two hours that I'd worked on my portfolio—one day I will become a fashion designer, I swear to God—I spent the remaining twelve hours devouring half the coffee cake in the fridge, binging two whole seasons, in two days.

While I lived like a king, Isaac was...

And Corin...

I shudder. Not the good kind. I feel revulsed. Literally sick. To even think...

I don't want to leave her, but I feel like I should go bring her something? A coffee? Shit, I'm no good at this. So I just give her space.

Corin isn't crying, but she looks close. Shaken, but managing. Though what the hell do I know? I left Isaac passed out in the dirt, frankly where he belongs, and I sat with Corin out front, ripping out grass shoots and wrapping them around my fingers.

It felt like an age, but really it was only a few minutes when she pulled herself together and looked at me squarely.

"I don't... know what sickos you like to associate with now, but I—I..." Her voice cracks, and I feel my heart reach out, but my throat is dry, my lips sealed tight. No tears, even now, but after she steadies her breathing, she pauses and continues. "I need to call the police."

I immediately start, jumping up, heart a storm.

"No, you... you can't do that."

Corins frowns, a deep and terrible one.

"What the actual fuck, Connor? Isaac tried to... He—you can't seriously be suggesting he walks away from this...?"

I gulp. Shit. If she'd asked me that just two months ago, yeah, I would totally, one-hundred per cent have been on her side. Now...

What Isaac did was despicable, but I also know he wasn't like that. He wasn't! I had to believe that he was better. I wasn't dancing on a lie.

"Isaac is..." Another sigh. "I get he has to be punished, but the police don't need to be involved. They'll shut this place down, he'll go to jail. I'll probably go to jail. And I don't want you involved in any of this."

"You think I give a shit about..." She shakes her head, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Listen, Connor, he's not right. I don't get how you can be defending him right now."

"I'm not! I mean it. I will talk to him... I'll get him help. But I'm not giving up on him. He's broken, and scared. It doesn't seem like that—and he'll never admit it—but he is. Jail isn't the place for him. It won't fix him. There's a broken child in him that I catch glimpses of, and if I just... If I can scratch away at that rough outer layer..." I end with a defeated sigh, running my hand through my dishevelled hair, sure I'm sweating. I'm not.