In Hell We Dance

Rabbit

Friday. Friday was only the start.

Saturday, man. Oh Saturday, baby, just you wait!

The day trickles on, but I don't feel it. A new bandage holds back the blackened scar, and as I sit with glazed eyes, Connor watches over me, keeping me fed. Keeping me alive.

Hell is a poison that burns and bubbles; whistles and pops. It breaks you down, its deadly chemistry like acid on skin. And I'm the one pouring the acid. That leaves my rabbit here to pick me up, pull back the layers, and breathe new life into me. And so my eyes dance in his presence, my lips burn at his touch.

There's nothing behind it.

And that hurts more than anything else. I'm dying, a piece of me gone with each day, each second. I'm fading, scattered like dust, and I don't feel his lips anymore. I can't smile anymore. I'm not alive.

Time has never been my friend, but now the hours drag, scream, ring out until I have to cover my ears. Connor finds me in one of these braces and pulls me out of it, holding me, talking. His words don't stick. They don't come out as anything more than a meaningless dribble. Empty words. They're probably so much more than that, but I can't feel them. I should cry, but the tears won't come.

I feel his glow. That much I know.

Please don't leave me.

Outside I am nothing. Inside I scream loud enough to shatter the world.

Please!

***

"You're serious?"

I stand on my tiptoes, but I can't reach the top. Dropping back onto my heels, I grin at Connor, the only answer I know.

"But like," he grumbles. "What even is the point of this?"

I shrug. Now he's really getting ticked off.

"When did you even do this? Who did you find to install a freaking circus pipe in a storage tunnel?"

I pull my rabbit into my arms and silence him with a kiss to his forehead. It's starting to tingle, some of that numbness dissipating. He's a drug I keep on taking, day by day, and hey, it's actually working! This is no passing high. It settles in the stomach and stays like warm cocoa. Like the best kind of hugs.

"Hush, rabbit. Let mummy speak." He stares at me squarely, and I wink. "You remember Blummy? Did me a solid."

"OK... But how did you even pay for this?"

"Connie, Connie," I tut. "You really should keep your wallet safe from prying hands."

He flushes violet then pats at his pocket. Nothing. I dangle the stolen wallet above his face, and his eyes bulge. He tries to snatch it but I hold it up higher, taunting him. He punches me in the gut and I wheeze. He gets his damn wallet back.

"Nice," I begrudgingly admit, wheezing. "But you like?"

Connor brushes past me, too damn far, and I want to reach for him, keep him close before I relapse and I can't breathe, and my head spins as I feel like stabbing my eye over and over again until...

"Hey, you alright?"

Man, you don't know how much I needed to hear that. Just his voice, smooth like coffee, and it trickles over me like warm rain. Connor smiles an innocent little thing that I just want to pinch, and I find a smile that doesn't strain, nodding. Satisfied, he turns back, stepping cautiously along the rainbow tunnel, like it will slip out under him. He stretches his arms wide, fingers brushing the edges, the neon glow painting him with an iridescent brilliance.