Sitting on His Lap

She hates me.

SO, I have changed the name of the entire book to Sitting on his lap, and I changed names too. So Sapphire is now Eva, and Jackson went through many name changes. I thought there were too many Js so I changed it. It went form Jackson to Blaize to Ruxin and the final name is Ryder. So if you see any of these names do tell em so I can change it asap. So tell me what you think. Sorry for the late updates, not much inspiration in Ellison High School. 

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Ryder

I can't believe what just happened. Why can't she see she's not a distraction. She is just diverting my attention from a previous experience. She is helping me forget about the championship that's going on for boxing, and diluting the seriousness of the situation.

Okay. She's a distraction.

But a good one. Not the one that you want to get rid of and change everything about it. I want her here and distracting me. I got my ass kicked at the last match and I somehow won by knocking him so hard he fainted from the intense glare of my fist. I have to train, this I know but it'll be harder with that bitch, Kelsey, stalking me twenty four-seven. It'll be better if she's there and I know it'll help get the chicks away if I have a "girlfriend". Or make it worse. You know cause girls go for guys that are in a relationship and if I had that many girls when I was single, maybe this isn't such a great idea. But I'm pretty sure Eva can fight off chicks, maybe she'll train with me. I'd feel a hell of a lot better if she did, and I knew she could fight for herself when I'm not around. I was so scared I was gonna lose her last night. She's so sweet and innocent. I can't wait to see if that "Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets metaphor works out." I mean if I were to take this "bet" and this new found relationship to heart (which I will) and not screw up with her (which is very likely), she'd be my first real girlfriend. I've always wanted a girlfriend to see how it feels to be a relationship, to see how dates work and to see my date back to her place and kiss her goodnight.

Wait. Wasn't I upset about something.

My thoughts of attempting to back track were cut short when Eva walks through the door with Maddox, giggling. 

"That was fucking gold, Mad dog."

Mad Dog?

"Thanks Eva bear."

Eva Bear? Really? 

"They were all of you man your lucky I saved you when I did, or I don't think you'd be home right now."

I will not become a jealous prick. I will not become a jealous prick.

"Oh hey man. I thought you went out or something. What are you still doing here bro?" Maddox said finally spotting me seething on the couch.

She refused to acknowledge me. I can't make her speak to me, but I wanted to at least explain myself. I want her to know that I do want this, this relationship. Not exactly the constant worry she'll walk out on me, but maybe the love, or the fear of not getting her the right gift for Christmas, or her birthday, or our two month anniversary. 

"Uhhh. No. I wanted to wait to talk to Eva and see where she's staying tonight. I don't want that prick to come and try to fuck with her head." I said my tone beginning to dip into a pool of anger.

She finally looks up, staring at me with her hazel brown eyes. Her beautiful, doe like eyes questioning, as she stared blankly at me without a single show of anger, confusion, love. Anything. I was so scared. What can I do, do I explain. No. She's only been my girlfriend a couple hours. Not even a full twenty-four. I want her to see that she's more than a distraction. It's almost as if she's broken. Her eyes begin to water as she stares me down. I'm unsure of what to think or do. What do I say to this girl that is staring me down like I ruined all the questions to her answers. As if she questions the simplest things she used to be so sure of.

"You don't have to worry about that." she says in a curt tone that kills my ego and chips my heart. "I'll be with Maddox. Goodnight, Ryder."

And with that she yanks Maddox down the hall to his bedroom. He looks back apologetically. He knows she's hurt, and he knows what I meant by distraction. That devil in carnation that ruined women for me, she's the only woman I ever fucking loved, or trusted. How could she. She did this. Maybe I wouldn't be such a prick had she not.

I know I won't get any sleep and, it was already midnight. Might as well call it a night.

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For the second night in a row, the silence of the night was easily broken by the piercing scream that passed Eva's lips into the wintry air that flowed through out my apartment.

"RYDER!!!" She was calling out my name in complete terror as I made my way through the hall, shirtless and in my boxers. trying to open Maddox's door,which he had stupidly locked from the inside, as she screamed out for me again.

"RYDER!!!!!!!!!!" Her shrieking came through out the halls from under the door, ask I hit  it with my shoulder, effectively knocking it down like the inside was on fire.

I see Maddox in the corner, shaking. I looked towards the bed and saw her, screaming and kicking. Trying to fight whatever it was she was seeing back. Just like she had the night of the attack. I ran over and grabbed her wrists, only to see her eyes were still closed. She's asleep.

"Baby. Baby, it's okay, he's not here." I calmly said, although I am shaking her like hell, trying to wake her up.

Her eyes shot open, looking for something frantically. When her eyes finally settled on me, how was standing in front of her the entire time, she broke down to tears. While she cried, I picked her up like the princess she is and carried her to my bedroom. Dropping her every so lightly, I pulled her face up by her chin to allow her to look at me. I wiped the stray tears that leaked from her eyes, and stared into her hazel-grey eyes.

"Baby? What happened?" I asked her as calmly as I could. I couldn't allow her to go off on another rampage, while I was here to protect her. I'd never let anything happen to her.

"He was there, Ryder." she was trying to keep back the tears as her eyes blinked like a humming bird's wings. "H-he was gonna get me, a-a-a-again." she had finally giving into the dam and released a new flood of tears.

She was scared. She was broken, but there was nothing I could do to go back in time to make it stop her from hurting. I just have to stay with her now, fight with her until she no longer needs me. In hopes, that day will never come. I truly want a relationship. I wouldn't expect her to understand. She's a virgin for crying out loud. She's never had meaningless sex with random girls, or had to be stuck with a broken heart that was ruined by another. But I have, and she's the cure for my pain. She can bring back any emotion I may have still buried deep within me. She can be my savior the same way I was hers.

 "No. He wasn't. And as long as I'm here, he never will be. You'll always be safe with me. I promise." I whisper. I know she can hear me. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier baby." dragging her over into my lap. "I didn't mean for you to take it like that, but you are a distraction, one I am in desperate need of. I want you to be a distraction."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for being a complete bitch about it. I should of listened long enough to hear what you had to say. I won't do it again. And I would be honored if we could continue our little game..." She trailed off suggestively.

"I didn't know it had stopped." I winked at her now smiling face.

"Bed time." She said, pulling me down to lay with her. Putting my arm around her waist, pulling her closer, I think of the past, how she used to pull me closer. How she used to tell me she loved me. And how she turned out to be nothing but a liar.

All I could think about was one fact.

Eva is nothing like her.