elysian - hariana

1.9 - doubts

Recap:

This is too good to be true.

third person's pov

And Ariana thought Bee couldn't tell she had been crying, but Bee did.

"I can't help, but look back at what happened, Bee."

Bee had just sat there, listening to Ariana who was sobbing in her arms.

She didn't like seeing Ariana this way, especially after knowing what had happened in the past, and knowing how much she wanted to forget what had happened in the past and become a different person.

This side of Ariana wasn't often shown during the coffee shop for she would turn back to her lovable and sarcastic persona. Ariana has been trying so hard to fix her past, and right when she thought she could possibly like someone again, she was reminded of everything that had happened before.

"Harry's not like him, Ari. I can tell he really cares about you." Bee tried to reassure her, rubbing on her back very gently.

"Maybe I'd be happier alone, just me. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship. Maybe I don't like him the way he likes me. I feel sorry for him, Bee, maybe that's why I agreed to go on all his dates." Ariana snapped at Bee who seemed taken back at her sudden remark.

"Ari..."

"Why won't he just leave me alone?"

harry

Ariana had stormed off after she told me about what happened in her past.

I feel frustrated for allowing her to go in there when she clearly said she didn't want to in the first place.

I feel angry that someone would ever do that to such a wonderful as Ariana.

She's brave, she managed to come back from the past into a much stronger version of Harry, but I can't help but take the guilt for bringing her back to something she probably wants to forget, and something she never wants to ever think of ever again.

So I told Gemma that Ariana had left and that I'll be on my way. She seemed bothered at first, but when I told her that 'something' happened, and I really needed to go, she understood.

I didn't want to tell Gemma exactly what had happened because I feel like it isn't exactly my place to talk about it.

I had bought some of her favourite flowers so maybe I could go to her apartment and give them to her. Maybe that would make her smile a bit?

Honestly, I just wanted to be there for her. I didn't want to see her upset. It hurt me as well.

Walking up the tiny steps of their apartment, I was about to know when I heard rather loud voices whom I immediately recognized as Ariana's and Bee's.

It wouldn't hurt to listen a bit, right? I know it's wrong, but I need to know how she's feeling before I approach her.

""Maybe I'd be happier alone, just me. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship. Maybe I don't like him the way he likes me. I feel sorry for him, Bee, maybe that's why I agreed to go on all his dates." I heard Ariana say. I placed my hand down, the one I was supposed to use to knock on her door.

And just like that, my heart broke. My face crumpled, and I started to shudder as tiny sobs escaped my mouth.

I didn't leave right that instance. I just stared at her door, feeling more tears well up in my eyes. I tipped my forehead forward to let it rest against her door. I swallowed, shaking my head.

"She doesn't even want to be with me." My voice was just above a whisper when I walked back towards the road, throwing the flowers at a trashcan I had found.

Quickly getting my phone, I scrolled down my contacts, my hands trembling as I clicked on Gemma's name.

"G-Gem, can you come and get me at the coffee shop I always go to?"

I immediately hung up, walking my way towards the coffee shop, just staring at my shoes as I walked.

What did I do wrong?

Doesn't she see I care for her?

Is it my fault?

Sliding down the wall of the coffee shop, I shook my head rather roughly.

"Harry?"

I shot my head up, staring at Gemma as tears continue to stream down my face.

"Oh, Harry." She brought me in her arms, sitting on the ground with me.

And she didn't ask me what happened. She knew that if she brought it up, it would only make me cry even more.

At this point, I don't even understand what I'm feeling. I've done everything for her. I've tried so hard, did I do something wrong? Did I mess up?

"What did I do wrong Gem? I thought I had her. For a moment, I thought I actually had her, I actually had a chance to be with the woman I've been in love with for so long."

"Harry... shh... calm down."

"I thought she genuinely cared about me too. What if she just pitied me because of my fucked up ex or Rick or everything else that had happened. I just don't understand."

I didn't like the feeling of my heart breaking. It was a pang on my chest, and I couldn't quite describe what it felt like.

My lips had started to shake as I spoke.

"She didn't play games with me. I thought me and her could actually be something, but I thought wrong Gem... I was so wrong."

"Here, come here. Hey..." I just sat there, furrowing my eyebrows as I looked at her, my mouth slightly parted as I tried to find the right words to say.

She placed me in the front of the car, buckling up my seatbelt as I stared straight ahead at the street. I knew Gemma had tried to cheer me up because she had played my favourite song right after she started the ignition.

But I just didn't feel like singing along or dancing along, like I usually did when I heard this song.

She had managed to bring me back home safely, placing me down on our couch in the living room as she went to the kitchen, telling me she'd get me water real quick.

I sat very still on my sofa, trying to digest what had just happened. Ariana's words just wouldn't leave my mind. I could feel the sorrow welling up inside of me as if it was eating me up.

Maybe we just aren't meant to be.

-

wow this book made a dramatic turn of events

so ariana is like its too good to be true

and harry's like doubting and all and omg

anywayssss

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