Prompt; I want to marry him but I can't tell anyone
In which Phil wants to propose, but is scared of the consequences
[5.4k words]
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I am nervous a lot.
Mostly because I'm clumsy, and I go up on stages a lot(I went on tour once lol), and I'm always in front of a camera, and I don't really enjoy talking to people in fear of doing something wrong, and I'm kind of awkward. It's really just all of that.
And even though I'm used to it, and I've talked to a lot of celebrities and peeps throughout my life, I'm still nervous of tripping and falling and dying and tripping on the stair way to heaven, and then falling into hell, in which I then fall over bowing at Satans throne, and then he banishes me to super hell where I am forever tortured with my roommate Hitler.
You know, the usual things to worry about.
But right now, I'm nervous because (and this is going to sound really stupid) I have been having thoughts about (I hate myself oml why)...marriage.
Yeah. That thing.
I have a boyfriend, of eight years. Which is a really long time obviously, and I'm still so in love with him I hate it. Because ew love like why. He is very beautiful.
I also hate that like ewwwwww I have such a crush on him like grrrrrroooooosss.
Oh yeah, and also, I am thirty which *shivers* yeah is kind of terrifying. I mean, I could die at any second! And I don't feel old so like how the hell am I THIRTY. I might as well be dead!!
Actually though, I kind of like living but it's weird to think that I'm thirty. And my boyfriend is twenty six. And like it's four years but it feels like he's a billion years younger than me because he has FOUR YEARS to catch up to me and in four years I'll be SOCCOR MOM AGE.
Wow am I becoming American? Maybe.
I'M A GAY EUROPEAN AND IM THIRTY, FLIRTY AND THRIVING !!
Hehe, I mean kind of. I'm really too much of a nerd to thrive. I'm not very stereotypical, but then again I'm much too weird to just seem normal. I kind of dress like a white dad on vacation meets huge geek who watches anime, around the summer time. And literally any other season I just look like a nerd who never lost the emo hair and still wears skinny jeans. Mixed with white dad who watches anime, of course.
I forget I'm thirty sometimes.
Anyway, I'm super off topic because it's three am and my brain just thought, OI PHILLY LETS GET MARRIED, EH?
I have no idea why my brain has that accent.
And after I was like, "No, brain, I shouldn't." It was like:
IF YE LIKE IT THEN YE SHOULD PUT A RING ONIT!
And that's when it dawned on me, that I very much like it, and would like to put a ring on it.
Dan and I, have been together for basically ever. That's what it feels like anyway. We've watched each other grow...and we both lived with tragic emo hair for years. What's so sad, is that I kept the fringe and he LEFT ME ALL ALONE WHEN HE DECIDED TO BE PROGRESSIVE AND KEEP IT NATURAL AND CURLY
oh yeah, I'm still salty about that one, daniel -_-
(Even though secretly I think it makes him even prettier. But that has to stay a secret, so don't tell anyone)
He makes me so happy.
I can be whoever I want when I'm with him. I am myself, and I can be proud and free. He knows me, and I know him, and we love each other to no end. We're perfect.
(Sorry, just wait a second, I'm cleaning up the sick on isle lovey dovey words).
I truly believe, as weird as is it is to think, that we were brought together by fate. Because my life is perfect with him in it.
