Prompt; He wants to leave
tw: emotional abuse
[4k words]
//
He changed.
The boy I am in love with.
He was perfect, we were perfect, but then...I realized I was no longer my happiest self when I was with him. He brought me down, he didn't listen to me, he didn't bring any calm and I was just...lost. He didn't treat me like how I wanted. How he used to. I just couldn't be happy.
I am not happy with you, Dan.
//
Phil sat at he edge of his bed, his things spread out in front of him.
His phone, his charger, his ear buds, a secret journal, a bag of candy, and a sweater. A simple jumper in case his journeys ever got cold, and living in London, sometimes they got cold.
He wondered if he should go now, or if it'd wake up Dan and cause another interrogation he didn't want to answer. It was four am and he was sat in a stupid emotional August head space, where he felt trapped being in the place he should love the most. His home, where he lived with his best friend and boyfriend...the prettiest boy in the world.
The prettiest boy in the world with the most perfect mind. That's what people saw. That's what everyone saw. And maybe they were right.
But Phil didn't want to be home with him.
Home felt like a prison sometimes, with cameras always pointed at him, and a smile always on his face. With Dan always...he just wanted to breathe. Outside, he was happy.
Of course he lived in a house with three walls, so he was always getting recognized. That's why this time was his golden hour, where he could lose the facade and stop pretending.
Phil gathered the things he had spread out in a bag, already dressed and deciding he should just go. Dan probably wouldn't be up until noon, if he was quiet he could have a couple hours out.
The moon is nowhere to be seen, but there is light. I'm walking the streets and it's dangerous. There is no one here, there is no one to help me if something happened. It's still busy, busy London but where I walk is bare and I am alone.
But somehow it feels safer than when I'm with you.
//
"Where were you?" Dan asks, who had caught Phil the minute he walked through the door, looking concerned. Phil cursed in his head, but tried to act unaffected.
"I was out." he said, shrugging the backpack off his shoulders and sitting it down on the floor, where he set it everyday.
Dan seemed worried. "What do you mean by out? Where do you keep going all the time?"
"Just taking walks."
Dan crossed his arms. "Every morning? Like you ever fucking exercise, what are you really doing? And if you're going on walks why aren't you taking me, you know I'd want to go with you."
Phil knew Dan was right to say that. He sighed, "It's just to clear my head. Don't worry about it, I just didn't want to wake you up."
Dan stared at him for a moment before narrowing his eyes. "Are you cheating on me?"
Phil felt hurt. "Do you really think I could do that to you, Dan?"
"You do stupid shit all the time. Plus, you never seem to want to talk anyway, I have every right to be suspicious."
"I'm not. I swear to you, I would never." And Phil meant it with all his heart.
Dan scoffed. "Fine, I believe you. But only because if there was someone else who could want you, I'd be fucking surprised."
