Today is my official "Starving Day". I'm 132 pounds right now, and I'd like to be at most 90 pounds by New Years. My goal it to be 75 pounds by spring break or until I can look at myself in the mirror and not cringe.
I've given up wearing makeup to school. I usually just cry it off anyway. Lately I've been leaving my friends at the beginning of lunch to go hide in the washroom and cry and write in this journal and listen to music. Funnily enough, no one has noticed. I leave about 5 minutes in and come back 5 minutes before lunch ends and no one even noticed I was gone. I guess people just don't care about me that much.
It's weird how the people who say they love you the most, are the ones who make you feel like shit the most. The little things hurt too. I don't think many people realize that. When my sister tells me I'm mean, or my friends call me a bitch. Or if someone makes a rude comment about how I look, or my parents tell me I'm lazy. All those things and more make me feel lower then dirt. I've tried talking to people about it, but they don't seem to care, or understand. It's hard to explain how much the little things effect me. I don't want people to think I'm being overly sensitive or weak. People already think badly enough about me as it is. I just wish I had someone I could talk to about these things. Someone away from my life because everyone in it will get upset because it's their fault. I have no one to talk to. I'm all alone.
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Short StoryA story in diary form of a girl struggling with her self worth.
