It gets better

2/5/2017

So. I tried to kill myself two weeks ago. Yeah. Crazy right? But yeah I went to the corner store across the street from my school, and bought 2 packs of extra strength Tylenol. I then proceeded to take all 20 pills and make twenty cuts. 8 on each thigh and 4 on my arm. They were deep. And they started to bleed through my pants. This happened at around lunch time. I then completely broke down and realized, I don't want to die. I don't want to be dead. I needed to stop this. I went and I told the first friend I saw. I told her and she had the worst reaction possible. She started yelling and saying I was gonna die and freaking out. And then I told my best friend and she did exactly what I needed. She calmly told me I was gonna be ok and looked up all the symptoms of death by overdose. After school she came to my place. I sent a note to the councillor telling him hat had happened and not long after we got to my place he called. He told me to drink lots of water and that if I didn't tell my mum he would have to. I told him I'd tell her and so I texted my mum explaining everything that had happened. My friend then got me a water bottle and made me drink lots of water, as instructed by my councillor at school. 5 sips every 2 minutes to be exact. I ended up drinking 2 and a half water bottles (the equivalent of about 5 cups of water) before my mum came home. She then took me to the hospital and called my therapist. Apparently we were doing everything right and as long as I wasn't showing any negative symptoms she thought I would be fine but we had to keep her posted. The hospital is kind of a blur. I was really sleepy and my vision kept blurring but the wouldn't let me sleep. I had to get blood tests and talk to 4 nurses a doctor and 3 psychiatric nurses. It was scary and I was there for nearly 6 hours. My mum called my grandma and dad from the hospital and my dad just sounded confused it my grandma cried like I've never heard her. She sounded so scared and upset and I hate myself now for making her feel that way. But I'm on a new prescription for my depression no called Paxil an dim doing a little better now. So hoping ill be ok from now on.