how to never stop being sad ; ym

Introduction

How To Never Stop Being Sad - dandelion hands

Repeat to yourself that they're not really gone.
Time has proven that fooling yourself into believing a lie is the most effective way to deal with things you have no control over.

Keep listening to the mixtapes they made you.
Overanalyse every single word you hear.
"Was this a sign that things were going wrong?"
No, no, you were the one who cared too hard, not them.

Stay up every single night staring at your phone
Either attempting to gather up the courage to turn these demons, these constant reminders of your loneliness into nothing more than a bad dream
Or praying just for one second you could feel the warmth of equally returned love.

Go out for coffee four times a week by yourself,
Always bring your notebook, never stop writing,
Leave little comics and thank you notes with your tip,
Watch them smile as you get in your car.

Talk down on yourself whenever possible;
My life is shit because I deserve it, right?
You must have done something really bad,
It's nearly impossible for you to cry now.

Avoid your friends for weeks even though they're the only sense of consistency you have left in your life.
If they really wanted to see you they'd come, but hey won't.
Who cares?

Allow yourself to lose interest in the things you love.
Watch as you begin to take a backseat to the world around you, don't fight it.
Become a secondary character in your own motion picture.

But most importantly: drown every single one of your feelings in old stolen rum,
Learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat,
Find comfort in the warmth coming from your stomach, you're drinking bottled love now.

You don't need other people to drive away your loneliness,
You just needed to find a way to talk to it.

An.: This fanfiction/songfic is inspired by the song How To Never Stop Being Sad by dandelion hands.
After reading the lyrics or having listened to it, you can hopefully tell that this story is going to deal with things that may be triggering to some people.
I'll put a trigger warning for those things at the beginning of those chapters when the time has come.
Have fun reading, and stay safe. I'm here to talk to.