how to never stop being sad ; ym

6. Care

Avoid your friends for weeks even though they're the only sense of consistency you have left in your life. If they really wanted to see you they'd come, but they won't.
Who cares?

For the next few days, the only two things Jimin could think about were the kiss and his friends.
When he closed his eyes, he could still feel Yoongi's lips on his own. Or, at least that's what he hoped.
He couldn't deny that he'd been avoiding Yoongi, but then again, he had been avoiding almost everyone.

The only times that he left his apartment was for work and for grocery shopping, but other than that, he stayed at home, in his bed or on his couch. He didn't dare to visit the café- in fact, he was scared to face Yoongi. It scared him that he wanted to kiss him again, hold hands, cuddle, be close to him, all the time. He wasn't supposed to feel those things towards a guy.

He'd always been interested in girls, why should it change now?
Jimin just hoped that since kissing a guy was something new, it confused his mind and that was why he wanted it again.
But even if that was the reason for his problem, what if Yoongi really had feelings for him? In the end, he had been the one to kiss Jimin and not the other way around- so really, Yoongi was the one who had to be blamed.
The only thing Jimin could do was to hope that Yoongi didn't have a crush on him (although that was utterly ridiculous, of course).

Another thing that Jimin had noticed- and it was worrying him; almost more than what had happened between Yoongi and him or could still happen- was that it had been almost over a week since Hoseok called the last time.

Jimin knew that he was probably busy, and he could understand that. Hoseok had his own life and stuff to worry about. But the daily phone calls had become some sort of routine, and although Jimin liked being alone, now that Hoseok wasn't calling anymore, he noticed how much those calls had really meant to him. Besides Yoongi, it was the only real contact he had to anyone. And now, that was gone as well.

Jimin just figured that his friend had grown tired of him. Tired of trying to get Jimin into living a normal life again instead of mourning after two people who had been dead for over half a year.
It seemed like everything Jimin now did revolved around Taehyung and Jungkook, so the more Jimin thought about it, the better he could understand why Hoseok would leave him alone now.
It was pointless to try and help Jimin.

He'd given up on him.

There was another thing Jimin had started to tell himself along with the countless lies he repeated to himself every single day.

If his friends really wanted to see him, they'd come.

Still, Jimin spent too much time staring down at his phone and waiting for someone to call or text him. He knew he should accept the fact that his phone would stay silent because no one ever tried to get in touch with Jimin. Or, not anymore.

He really couldn't blame them, could he? Jimin had already realized that his behavior towards them hadn't been the best. He shouldn't have fought with Seokjin when all he tried to do was include him into the group again. Besides, Jimin had asked them to give him a little space more than once, but when they finally did he didn't like it as well, so it was his fault that they didn't care about how he was doing. He couldn't blame them.

And Hoseok, he did so much and Jimin never even properly thanked him. He just always took it for granted.
After thinking about it for too long, Jimin was sure that it was his fault his friends were ignoring him.

Ignoring him, just like he was ignoring Yoongi.

"Oh, for God's sake..." he muttered and buried his face in his pillow. He hated himself for wishing Yoongi was here to comfort him and wrap his arms around his waist. Jimin had really grown too comfortable around him. The older man was just so good at listening to him and then make him smile with the stupidest things. Or with a kiss. Goddamnit, yes, Jimin had loved the kiss and he was so desperate for another one, he had never felt like this ever before. How could something as simple as a kiss mess up his entire life? How was that even possible?