Head Over Leather #Wattys2017

XVIII. All it will ever be

"How are you feeling?" I glance at Jess and offer her a small smile. It had been a week since my visit with my dad and while it had been hard, I was feeling somewhat better. Jess rubs my shoulder affectionately, before leaning over and grabbing a bag of chips. After a heavy workload week at school, we decided to have a much needed sleepover weekend.

"Honestly, now that I've let it settle in and I've had my time to mope, I can't stop thinking about Ethan. He was so helpful and sweet." I can't help but gush over him, because who was I kidding? He's a great guy and there's no denying that.

"When are you going to just admit you like him?"

"Um never, because I don't."

"Mhmm."

I roll my eyes at her, grabbing my pillow and hitting her arm with it. She lets out a laugh, kicking her feet on the duvet as I continue to hit her a few more times before I'm satisfied. As I lay the pillow back down behind me, Jess gives me a skeptical look, eyebrows raising and hands folding in her lap.

"Just this week alone, you guys have been missing the first 15 minutes of lunch. When you guys do show up, your clothes are disheveled and your lips are swollen pink." She says in a matter of fact tone, eyes still focused on me. I blush, recalling how Ethan insisted that making out in a janitor closet is so much better than making out in public (it was, but kissing Ethan would be amazing anywhere).

"So I've been getting some action..your point?"

"My point is that even after you made out in a janitor's closet of all places for 15 minutes straight, he still couldn't keep his hands off you. Literally, you guys have to be touching all the time or you'll choke and die." I chuckle at her exaggeration, but motion for her to continue, because Jess' theories were always interesting to listen to.

"And your phone. You know that you check your phone every five minutes to see if he texted? Aaand you guys literally are attached at the hip. I mean this is probably the only time I've seen you without him."

"It's a game. We're supposed to do this stuff." I shrug nonchalantly, averting my eyes, because her theories might not have just been that.

"Right. So the irrational jealousy is also apart of this?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, turning to her again, wondering if she meant that on my part or Ethan's part. If she meant me, we'll that was understandable. After her grand entrance at the party, Rachel started attending our school. And surprisingly formed a friendship with Ethan. Maybe it was because no one from our friend group particularly liked her, even her own sister.

Or maybe he liked her. Swallowing hard, I shake the thought out of my head and lick my lips, willing myself to ignore the twinge in my chest.

"I mean, I don't exactly like Rachel, because she tried to cheat off me on a pop quiz then cried to the teacher saying I told her she was a dumb bitch which stumped her self confidence. You, on the other hand, just hate her because she hangs out with Ethan all the time."

"Okay, I get it. Things are weird, but it's just because I'm extra needy because of my dad stuff. Nothing else." I sigh, popping a Cheeto in my mouth, before pushing myself off the bed.

"Movie?" Jess nods in response and jumps off the bed, gathering all the junk food that was littered on it. Now all I hope is that a movie will get my mind off her theories.

***
As the week started again, I couldn't shake what Jess said out of my head. Groaning, I slam my locker shut in frustration, only to come face to face with Ethan and a cup of coffee.

"Bad morning?" He flashes me a lopsided grin, holding up the cup up and I chuckle, taking it from him. I breathe in the caramel coffee scent and sigh happily, earning a fond chuckle from Ethan.

"No, just a lot on my mind."

"Is it a bad time to invite you to thanksgiving then?"

That caught my attention. I glance up from my coffee, meeting Ethan's bright blue eyes and hopeful smile playing on his lips.

"I mean I know it's a couple weeks away, but my parents said they'd be home for it and it's been a while so I just got really excited and...I'd like it if you were there to share that with me. I mean only if you want.." He quickly holds out his hand as if to say that it was unnecessary and I had to bite my lip to keep in the smile that was threatening to come out.

"I'd love to, Ethan." In response, he lets out a relieved sigh and nods his head, before throwing an arm around my shoulder as we head to class.

***
"When are you guys ending this whole thing?" Eva motions her hand between Ethan and I, emphasizing the word 'thing'. Huh, we'd actually never discussed that. A silence washes over the table at the question that seemed to be on everyone's mind.

"March."

My gaze flits to Ethan and I wonder when he had decided that. He continues to bite into his sandwich, oblivious to the fact that this wasn't just news to the group, but me as well. That means we have four months to go.

"Why? You miss me, Ev?" Ethan smirks, eyes now focused on the girl he loved. She rolls her eyes, tossing a piece of salad in his direction. I swallow hard, suddenly losing my appetite at the reality of the situation. I'd gotten so caught up in my own fantasy world that I hadn't realized we had an expiration date. A date that Eva was most likely looking forward to.

"Actually, Ethan...we're kind of official." Derek mutters softly, licking his lip as his eyes search Ethan's face for any trace of anger or hurt. Ethan stills, setting down his sandwich and gaze flicking between his best friend and ex.

"We decided that it was time to stop playing around and just see how it goes." Eva reasons, running a hand through her dark locks. For the first time ever, I can see a slightly worried expression taking over her face.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I mean first you sleep together behind my back.." Derek meets my eyes as Ethan mentions this, but I duck my head to avoid his questioning gaze, because when it comes down to it, I had no idea why I still haven't told Ethan. "And now you're together. Congrats, I guess?"

I squeeze Ethan's hand in reassurance underneath the table and his head turns to me, a small smile spreading on his lips. His eyes search my face, but I'm unsure of what he's trying to find in the first place. He laces his fingers through mine and suddenly March is a far away place that I won't think about now or anytime soon. So for now, I have a game with Ethan Andrews and that's all I can ever have.

And all it will ever be.

***
Will Maya ever tell Ethan the truth about Eva and Derek?