don't speak.

chapter twenty

"How did I know I would find you here?" Riley's voice beckoned from behind me. I turned around to see her and smiled as she reached down to give me a hug. I'd ran to clearing in the woods. It was a familiar one that I remembered from a lifetime ago. A lifetime where Riley and I were proud Bluebirds of the Campfire Girls of America – or, more accurately, Riley was a proud Bluebird. My mom could never afford the entry fees for the group so she made me my own little sash and badges and after the real meetings Riley and I would come out here to roast marshmallows and make up our own rules.

"Because I told you I was here?" I held up my now-dead phone while she took her place sitting beside me. After she'd settled I rest my head against her shoulder.

"No," Riley wrapped her arms around me, "It's because I know you, Maya Hart." I swat away at tears and mosquitos at the same time at the notion. The thought that, yes, even Riley didn't know me anymore. How could she? I didn't even know me. Riley brushed my hair behind my ears and smiled at me as though she could hear my thoughts.

"I do know you Maya. I've always known you – and I always will. Every version on you. And I always have and always will love them all." She rest her head on top of mine and wrapped her arms back around me, "This is just a blip, Maya. This doesn't have to define you."

"How can you say that? How can I move on from here?"

Riley took hold of both of my hands and smiled as she thought, and I could see the exact moment when what she was trying to recall came to her – because it was like a light has been turned on behind her eyes and they start to glimmer with inspiration.

"You remember that photography assignment you had sophomore year? It was some mega-serious project that accounted for 70% of your final grade and you smudged some yellow paint on one of the photos and there wasn't enough time to shoot and develop new ones?"

I nodded, picking at the crusted over mud on my jeans. It wasn't one of my finest moments. I'd been so excited about the photos, experimenting with light contrast with black and white film. They were photos of Riley, unsuspecting people, and a lot of laughter. It was a project worthy of being featured on People of New York – or even the cover of TIME. But I over shot, I went to paint while I was setting the photos up and splattered paint everywhere. Ruining the assignment.

"Well, then you put yellow paint on a bunch of the photos and called it multi-medium, claiming that the yellow contrast with the black-and-white photography was a modern day example of Van Gogh and how he used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would make him happy."

"Riles what does this have to do with anything?"

"That night was smudged paint on your photo's. It's a mess at first but it doesn't define your entire project. You can take this smudge and turn it into a multi-medium piece. Because this isn't the end for you – I know it's not."

"You know you just made no sense right?"

"Shut up and get up." She stood up and held out her hands to help me up, "You reek of sweat and outdoors and we only have so much time to get you ready for your date."

"My date?" I laughed as she looped her arm through mine, guiding me to the edge of the forest where she parked her car. It used to be a parking lot, but now it was barely anything but the world's largest collection of pot-holes. She unlocked the vehicle and we both slid inside. During the drive I almost forgot about everything that'd happened to me. I screamed along to the lyrics of songs we'd been listening to since we were fourteen as if nothing had ever happened. And for some reason; in that moment, fourteen didn't seem so long ago. It seemed like yesterday.