don't speak.

chapter twenty-two

There was no actual evidence of that night, and everyone knew it. Some even made an effort to point it out as often as they could. The truth was that my word wasn't strong enough to convict anyone of anything – or even get them thrown out of the school. But it was fine; I avoided him and he – for the most part – avoided me. Besides, Lucas never seemed to stray from my side. Together the hallways weren't as terrifying anymore.

"So, I know school events aren't your thing," Lucas intertwined his fingers with mine, "But – if you're up for it – the football team has state on Friday and I'd like it if you were there. I already got the okay for you to be on the benches with Riley and the other captains who pass out water and stuff. But you don't have to."

"I would love to." Part of this whole, being 'good' thing included going outside of my comfort zone. But I found that going outside your comfort zone is a lot more bearable if you're doing it with and for the people you love.

I sent Lucas on his way, reminding him for the millionth time that he doesn't have to go out of his way to walk me to every class – even though I appreciate it more than anything in the world. I turned to the classroom filled with nothing but dread – but this feeling was welcome. I welcomed it because it wasn't a fear of combusting in front of everyone or a twitching anxiety that I might be touched; it was a fear of the classroom and, more specifically, the papers that were about to be passed back in it. A sense of panic that was a familiar old friend – and a normal one.

I slid down in my seat next to Riley in the back of the room. We let other people with more apt writing abilities take the center stage in this room – or at least, that's what we liked to think. It was a much better version of the story than 'Ms. Swanson made a seating chart and put the chatty people in a corner'.

"How do you think you did on the paper?" Riley nervously whispered to me as I unpacked my bag.

"Oh gosh, if SparkNotes did me well I'd say a solid C."

She laughed and opened up a second notebook to started scribbling notes in. We may not have been allowed to talk in this class but man, this was where we always had our best conversations. I think the main allure to writing back and forth to each other was not the adrenaline of bending the rules, but the fact that we got to call it our 'Note Notebook'. Which was by far the best thing we'd ever come up with.

Halfway through the lesson on comma splices Riley slid the notebook onto my desk droning on about how she hated waiting to see her grade and how she wished Swanson would hand our papers back at the beginning of the class period. I had to stifle a laugh. I never understood this about Riley, your grade doesn't change if you see it at a different time. But I suppose knowing is half the battle.

Eventually, right before the bell rings, we are given back our papers. Riley scores a B, while I managed an A. Considering there was hardly a drop of ink on my paper; it was a pity grade. But I didn't care – a high grade is a high grade, whether you've earned it or not. Riley and I stepped out of the classroom and Lucas was there waiting for me, I went up and kissed him on the cheek.

"You can go; I'm actually going to run to the bathroom before class."

"You sure?" He looked at me worriedly. I swear, half of the time now it was more my friends who were worried than me.

"I've got Riley!" I grabbed hold of my best friend's hand and we both waved Lucas off. Riley walked with me over to one of the bathrooms and I dramatically kissed her hand.

"Thank you my dear." I said with my best drawn-out English accent. "But I think I can manage standing in a line by myself." And this was true. The only thing terrible going on here was the fact that a bunch of girls had to wait in a line to use the bathroom while the boys stray freely into their own.

By the time I finally got inside and was washing my hands the bell had rung so I took my time drawing out the paper towels. I was in no rush to get to Psych. The teacher was possibly the most boring person in the school but he hated awkward situations so I'd just claim to be on my period and he'd excuse me for missing the first half of class.

I was humming the tune to some song I'd heard on the radio that morning when I stepped back out into the hallway. They were completely empty. It was far enough into the day where people who were skipping class just left the school grounds entirely. I was strolling to class when someone grabbed hold of my wrist and brought me into the locker bays. Before I could say anything I was pressed against a locker and their mouth was shoved against mine. I heard the audio effect of a camera click as I struggled to get them of me.

"Not as bad as he said it would be." He smirked as he ran off to catch up with Liam and his friends who were watching and laughing down the hallway. I slid down the locker, my entire body shaking itself back to numbness. He's just an idiot. I tried to talk myself down – remember all the progress I'd made. But I couldn't stand up. Because they were talking about me. Liam and his messed up group of friends were talking about how well I 'performed'.

Less than ten minutes later my phone vibrated to show me that I had been tagged in a post on Instagram. It was a picture of Liam's friend, rather passionately, forcing his tongue into my mouth. But in the crappy school lighting you could hardly tell I was up against the lockers and they'd rotated the photo to made it look like we were laying down. The caption read; 6.9/10 on kiss factor alone. But definitely not worth it since I paid double what my friend did.