quiet • changki

three

when i got home from a long day with hoseok, i started to rewatch the vampire diaries because, why the fuck not.

when my mom came in every 20 minutes and said, "when're you going to bed? don't stay up too late." even though it was only 10:45pm, i just shut all my lights off except the christmas ones on my wall. for the aesthetic.

i opened the top white drawer to my nightstand, lifted up the small book to reveal a tiny blade, preferably from a pencil sharpener.

trigger trigger trigggggeerrrr

i rolled my loose shorts up to reveal my light colored thighs which haven't been getting a lot of sun for obvious reasons.

i slid the blade quickly across the right one, waiting for the little droplets of blood to appear because that's probably what satisfied me the most. i waited for what seemed to be three minutes and still, nothing at all.

so then i decided to move onto my left thigh, and unlike the right time when i moved slow and painfully, i moved the blade quickly across my thigh. it only showed an irritated pink color.

i mumbled a "what the fuck" to my thighs and then got another idea. my arms.

its been quite a while since i've done it, but no other bitch even noticed or asked why i was wearing a big hoodie in the summertime. i mean my one teacher asked if i was feeling alright, but i just moved out of the way and stayed quiet.

i quickly shifted the blade across the soft pale-ish skin next to two dried light brown lines. i was a little surprised on how it didn't hurt as much as my thighs. i forgotten how sensitive the skin on my arms are.

shit, i thought as i remembered why i didn't cut on my arms. it was summer and i'm not gonna wear long sleeves because i don't want to fucking die of a heat stroke.

so, i decided to cut up a little higher than my liking, just above my elbow. it stung like it usually did for a second or two, stopped, and then kept on stinging. i was real confused because usually it doesn't sting for this long, so i pulled out my "emergency sock" that i used to soak up the drops of blood that were scattering my arm.

after that hot mess of a numb-ish breakdown was over, i grabbed my notebook and started scribblings some meaningless words i'll forget by tomorrow.

a/n
wowow coincidence much