i looked back at my all ready scard wrists, tears rolling down my face, trying to control my anger if i let danny do what we wants to do it would make me feel even more worse and then he would have me right where he wants me, i would be this little puppet and he would be my controling master...
i changed my CD over to suicide silence and started blasting ODC, to make my mind of things i walked over to my bedside table and put my razor in my draw so i did not have to look at it for any longer, but then seen my lighter... i felt weak, my anger was getting on top of me, my tears all of a sudden stopped, my grabbed my lighter and started to burn my arm slowly, so i could not feel anymore pain, the more i did it the less i felt the pain...
time went on, i started to clam down more, i thown my ligher in my draw with my razor, and continued to do what i was doing, witch was sorting out my clothes, fuck everything started blasting as i started to scream from the top off my lungs, witch made me feel more better then i did before.
i finally finshed sorting out my clothes and got chmaged into my comfy clothes, my dark purple AA jogging bottems and my baggy plain black t shirt, i grabbed my devet cover and pillow and decided to sleep down stairs witch would be more comfy and the heat would not get to me to much, even though it was really humid out side and really warm.
i decided to get some dinner, chicken noodles... my favarite... while they where cooking i made my comfy bed in the living room, and grabbed a bunch of movies to wach, batman 2, and grown ups 1 and 2, it would be completed if i had someone with me to cuddle up to... danny....
"no, stop! stop thinking about him!" i said to myself
i set up the DVD player and then went into the kicken and grabbed my dinner and a can of blue monster, and i had another tub of ben and jerrys cookie dough ice cream for later, i turned down the lights and put gorwn ups 1 in the DVD player, then made my little spot in the comfy sofa, pressed play and started eating.
all my thourghts and feelings about danny esacaped my mind, even for a short amount of time, but i felt so much better....
