Made of Fire and Shadows (ToG and ACoTaR Crossover)

Chapter 4

Rowan

I couldn't think. My mind was blank, my soul was empty. Aelin - My wife, my Carranam, my mate - was no longer in this world. I had no desire to stay in it much longer either.

Alongside me Aedion was shaking his head and whispering, "No, it's not possible. It's not possible!" He roared the last part, but I didn't even flinch. Where emotions had once swarmed inside me there was now a gaping abyss of nothing. I was falling, falling into that void until there was only one thought left:

'My Fireheart was dead, and it was all my fault.'

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Aedion

"No, it's not possible!" I shouted, but deep inside a voice murmured that it was. My cousin had sacrificed herself to save us all. I had tried to convince her that there was another way but she was as stubborn as an Ox, just like me. She was hell bent on saving the world even if it meant her losing her own life in the process. And for the first time, I hated my cousin. Hated her for always acting the heroine. Why couldn't she let someone take her place?

My mind was racing, trying to find something to say, something to think, something to feel.

Suddenly I was growling, the sound fierce and low in my throat. I felt my hands clench into tight fists that were ready to start swinging. Struggling to stay calm, I tried to figure out what was happening to me - it was like I wasn't in control of my own body.

"Aedion," I heard a grief stricken voice murmur behind me. Gavriel.
I spun around and stalked over to him. Even as my legs moved I willed them to halt.

'No, no, no, I don't want to hurt him...'

I tried to turn around but I was already in front of Gavriel; face to face, our noses millimetres away from each other.
A snarl ripped through me as my father said, "Aedion please. We need to work things out. We need a plan. Aelin would not want her death to go to waste, this needs to end!"

It was the wrong thing to say when I was in this state of mind. I slammed his fist into Gavriel's face, the fae male stumbling backwards across the clearing. I was preparing to deal another blow when a firm hand gripped my shoulder. I stiffened, knowing exactly who it was. The one person who could feel more anguish than was coursing through me at that moment.
"We need to get out of here. Gavriel stay here. Clean yourself up and make camp. Fenrys take us as far away as possible."

Rowan's calm, blunt words only angered me more, but I grabbed Fenrys' wrist anyway.

Rowan shot us a glare before taking Fenrys' other arm. It was a warning: to step back when they arrived so he could release the rage and power that he was so obviously struggling to keep under control. With that the white wolf transported them far away from the clearing.

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We reappeared in another clearing about thirteen miles away. At first, I wondered if the distance was a bit excessive but after glimpsing Rowan's thunderous expression I instantly changed my mind. Even I, the Wolf of the North, felt like cowering underneath the males gaze. The magic surging of him in waves was ruthless and immense. Fenrys must have sensed it too, because he soon disappeared, leaving me and Rowan alone.

We just stared at each other, rich green and silver versus dazzling turquoise and gold. I watched as the rage in Rowan's eyes sputtered and ebbed away, leaving nothing but pure emptiness in its wake.

"Rowan?" I ventured a step towards my friend, the male only stared in response.

"Rowan?" I tried again, louder this time.

The noise seemed to jolt Rowan from his trance, and the tattooed male started to shake his head.

"I'm so sorry Aedion. I'm so, so sorry." Rowan covered his face with his hands as I attempted to dicipher what he meant. I was taken a back.

'Why was he apologizing?'

Then the realisation hit me, like I had been slammed into a stone wall; Rowan blamed himself.
I closed the distance between them.

"It's not your fault Rowan," I said.
Tears spilled over onto Rowan's cheeks and ran unabashedly down his face.

"Yes, it is."