We Find Love

chapter 1

New girl; you know, the one that walks around with her face stuffed in a map, looking around like she's on a different planet. Wearing clothes that just didn't fit in. Getting the filthy looks from everyone else in the hallways, and just hearing the students snicker as she walks past.

I mean, when you hear the story of being the 'new girl', that's what you expect. That girl who sits by herself at lunch, until she can find herself a group of friends to hang out with. Always brings in her assignments early, just so that she can get on the teachers good side. Yes?

It's right, I guess. Well, that's how I expected today to go through like. I thought I would be handed a map, try to find my way through the school, and have to go to the library at lunch because no one decent would actually sit with me. I didn't exactly want to be stuck with people that I had to pretend to actually like. To be completely honest, that would be the easy way out. Just sitting with whoever allows me to sit with them, and pretending to like them and engage in their conversations, when quite frankly, I honestly don't give two shits. Whether they're talking about the fact that they found how many particles were in the cell of their cheek, or if they're talking about their newest designer dress that their parents bought them. I'm not going to cheat myself around who I'm going to be friends with this year.

I had tossed and turned in bed all night, nervous from the new day ahead of me. Horrible situations would keep replaying in my mind, all the things that could ever go wrong would cloud my mind. The thoughts would keep following me everywhere, like a cloud hovering above my head, that would follow my every step and every move. Not only did I feel like this because I was nervous about tomorrow, but this was a normal and regular feeling for me. Happened regularly, particularly at night.

Although this was normal for me, the feeling is intensified horribly. I was feeling so nervous that I felt like I was going to throw up. I tried everything to try and distract myself, like I always do. Going on my phone, listening to music, watching videos, even trying to choreograph a small dance in my head, but nothing seemed to do the trick.

I can't help but wish I had gotten more sleep last night. Deep down inside, I know that I shouldn't be blaming myself, I couldn't help it. But who else is there to blame.

"You look like shit." My brother, Ian commented as I spread the jam over my toast. "You alright Brielle?" He sat down next to me, shoving a banana into his bag and shoving a piece of toast into his mouth at the same time.

I shrugged, and then nodded. "Fine." I was never really much of a talker. Well actually, I was actually a chatter box when I was younger, but I guess it faded away as I realised that the world was a much crueler place than I had thought as a child. The world seemed like such a beautiful, wonderful place, and I can't help but wish that I was still brainwashed, and still believed that everyone here was happy and that I can be happy if I wanted to.

Little did I know, it's really not that easy.

Ian and I live together, he's the only person I have. Now. We moved here, from Salt Lake City, to San Francisco, after our mother literally ran away from us, leaving no trace behind her. She was done, absolutely done. Done with her children, done with her family, and done with the life she was living. So one night, she packed her bags and just left, leaving my brother and I to cope on our own.

Luckily, Ian is now 23 and he has just graduated from college. He got himself a decent job out here in San Francisco and now has full custody of me. Even though he's my own brother, I can't help but feel bad for him. He can't go out living a normal life as an adult, and he's stuck looking after me. I promised to him that I would move out as soon as possible, and I would try to best to help out to pay for our apartment, food, and try to pitch in out of all of the bills he needs to pay.