Things we said today (completed)

15

But I was also in love with George?
I quickly got out of bed and got dressed. George watched me from the bed all the while.
"What are you doing?" He asked me, and I checked my watch.
"It's 9 O'clock. I'm getting up and dressed," I responded as if that should be obvious. He looked at me and poured, which made me smile. He is so cute!
"Aww, come on! Stay a bit longer!" He urged, but I shook my head.
"I can't stay longer. I should probably go work things out with Paul," I explained quietly, and he rolled his eyes.
    "Paul?" He asked, and I nodded while buttoning my pants and grabbing my shirt from off of the ground.
    "The man I'm in love with," I finished, and he shook his head slowly.
    "You're telling me that you don't love me? You don't feel the connection I feel every time we're together?" He asked, but I didn't have an answer. I didn't know how I felt.
    "I-I do," I said, feeling like it was quite possible that I did, but that he'd never forgive me if I left. So, I got back in bed.
    "What about Paul?" He asked, and I shrugged.
    "What about Paul?" I asked playfully, and he smiled.
    "Thank you," he said quietly, and very seriously.
    "For?" I asked, moving closer to him and letting him hold me.
    "Staying," he said simply, and I nodded, understanding the feeling of someone you love running away.
     "Thank you," I said, and he raised his eyebrows, "for making my first time amazing," I said, not counting my father as my first.
    "You and Paul haven't-?" He asked, and I shook my head, remembering only a few nights ago.
    We laid in bed for about an hour before we got up and went to see where the boys were. They were all in the kitchen, eating breakfast. John was the first to see us, and he raised a knowing eyebrow. I saw Paul, and felt guilty, but he had broken up with me. There was nothing I could do, and I wasn't his anymore.
    We sat down at the table next to each other, and no one mentioned our obvious "love triangle" of sorts. While trying to get the syrup, George, who was sitting next to me, grabbed my hand under the table. My eyes went wide with a fear of being caught, but I relaxed, as I realized if I was tense everyone would notice. As quick as I had relaxed, john still seemed to notice. He shot a glance at me that said "I know what you're doing." It was terrifying, and I knew he would want to talk to me later in private.
     We all plastered on fake smiles for the breakfast, and then Paul and George went to the store. Ringo went to the park, which left me alone with John.
    "So you and Paul...." he said, and I didn't say anything, "and you and George?" He asked, and I gulped.
    "It's complicated. You wouldn't understand," I said, but he smiled knowingly.
    "Me? Not understand sex?" He asked, and I cringed at the word.
    "It's not sex, John. It's love, and the fact that you can't comprehend that is truly sad," I argued, and he smirked.
    "You think I don't understand love, and just how complicated it can be?" He asked, and I did feel bad for him.
    "No, I don't think you do," I said matter-of-factly. He nodded and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, opening it and grabbing a few pictures.
    "I love him," he said, and handed me pictures of Julian, "I love her," he said, handing me a picture of him and Cynthia.
    "You do?" I asked, I knew about his ways with cheap women.
    "As hard as it is to believe, I do. I miss them dearly when we're apart, but she isn't my soul mate. Maybe at one time, I thought she was, but we aren't meant for each other," he said sadly, and I could truly see his point. He wished that he loved her, but you can't force love.
    "John..." I said, and he put away the pictures while chuckling.
    "You'd better not tell anyone. They'll think I've gone soft," he joked, and I realized that was his defense. When he was uncomfortable, he used humor to lighten the mood.
   "Thanks John," I said, and he looked at me.
   "Do you know what you're going to do yet?" He asked, and I thought about this.
    "No, I don't," I said honestly, and he nodded, he actually understood.