stars | sirius black

20: Why Not?

"WHY WON'T YOU TELL her?" James whined, following Sirius around the library.

"I knew it was a mistake to tell you guys." Sirius muttered, shaking his head at James.

"Even if you didn't tell us, we would have figured it out. We're not that dumb." James stated, continuing to follow Sirius.

Seeing James Potter and Sirius Black in the library was a shock for most students, especially if they weren't with Remus or Arabella. The two paced around the shelves looking for something that would help with some Astronomy homework.

"What book did Belle say she want?" Sirius asked, his fingers tracing the spines of several old Astronomy books.

"Something that had stars in the title." James said, leaning back against the bookshelves. "Or something like that."

"That doesn't really help, Prongs." Sirius said shaking his head, looking at the several books that had the words stars in the title. "Why did she ask us to find it?"

"Her and Remus are tutoring Peter." James shrugged. "Also, don't change the subject. Why won't you tell her?"

"Why should I?" Sirius snapped, turning to look at James for a few seconds before returning his gaze back to the books.

"So that you can be together!" James said excitedly, his eyes widening slightly.

"Prongs, you know that I can't-" Sirius started but was cut off by a frustrated James.

"You can't think of a relationship right now because you have to worry about O.W.L.S. and your parents. I know, I know." James said, rolling his eyes. "But you've never had a grade below an Acceptable in any subject even when you barely study and my parents have already written back saying that you can live with us."

"So, tell me Padfoot." James said, looking Sirius directly in the eyes. "What's really stopping you?"

Sirius sighed softly, giving up on looking for the book. He thought about what James had just asked him. What was really stopping him from telling Arabella his feelings? They've been friends for years and tell each other everything, not to mention they've been through so much together. What was stoping him from telling her this one thing?

"I guess I'm afraid." Sirius finally said after a few moments.

"Elaborate." James stated, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

"Belle and I have been friends for so long and that's what we've always been, you know?" Sirius said and James nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

"If I tell her, everything's going to change. Not just with the two of us but with the five of us as well. Everything has been amazing for the five of us lately and I don't want to do anything that will affect that dynamic." Sirius explained, trying to keep his thought as organized as he can.

"Our friendship is the most important thing to me right now and I don't want to jeopardize that. I know Remus already explained that she might like me back-"

James was about to open his mouth in protest but stopped when Sirius raised his hand to stop him.

"she MIGHT-" Sirius said, emphasizing the word. "-like me back but I can't risk our friendship on the hope that she just MIGHT like me back. It's too big of a risk and I'm not going to take it. And how would she react if she doesn't?" Sirius said, running his hand through his hair in frustration, realizing that it was the first time he talked to someone about his feelings for Arabella. All James could do was nod quietly as he took in every single word that came out of Sirius' mouth.