Only for Carter

Chapter 9 - The Girl I've Become

The steam slowly thickens, as the air becomes harder to inhale. My mind as fogged up as the mirror I stand in front of. The prints of dry mascara running down my face. The imprints of the lacey panties I had on underneath my tights, shows just above my hips. My eyes flutter open and closed as I watch myself stand there. Cold and alone. My gaze drops from my chapped lips, to the blood drips. Taking one last look in the mirror at the girl I have become.

The pressure on my chest releases, my body collapses to the ground, whilst my spirit stays standing, looking down at the girl I've become.

Is this what it feels like to be dead? Is this what it feels like to have peace? Staring down at my own body, laying peacefully on the bathroom floor. My blood still pouring out of my wrists staining the white glossy floors. The steam has filled the room. The numbness fades, and peace fills my empty spirit. This feeling is the most wonderful feeling, I've ever felt. Why couldn't I feel like this when I was alive?

Staring down at my body I realise stripping into nothing wasn't a great idea. My lifeless naked body just lays there, not making the slightness movement. I cringe at the sight of myself. Great! whoever finds me has to look at that. Scanning the room for anything to cover myself with. My eyes fall on my white bath towel hanging up. I go to yank the towel off the rack but my hands go straight through it. I try again. Nothing! Again. Nothing! I try to touch anything my eyes lay on. Nothing! I scream but no noise comes out. I scream over and over again, still not making a noise. The tears stream down my cheeks. My cheeks burn from each tear, that slides down my cheek. I stare at my face through the mirror. The tears leave a burnt trail down my cheeks, I scream, once again not making a noise.

I squeeze my eyes shut, praying for the pain to go away. But it doesn't. Opening my eyes in shock, I feel my legs getting scratched. Looking down, I see blood appear after each scratch. The scratches mark my skin one by one, slowly making their way up my body. I scream repeatedly, closing my eyes tight, as the pain gets too bad to bare. Why is this happening to me? I question myself. After what feels like five minutes of torture, the scratches stop. I slowly open my eyes, to find my entire body covered in blood. It drips around me, making a pool beneath my feet. The room begins to spin around me, making me fall on the floor.

The room is pitch black, I push myself up. My legs wobble from the lack energy. My arms search for something to grab, anything to help stabilise myself. My eyes scan through the dark trying to figure out where I am, but all I see is darkness. Turning around I see a figure emerge from the distance. Squinting my eyes, I try to get a better look at who it could be. The figure walks slowly, taking a step every two seconds. My heart begins to beat violently as a random dimed light appears above the figure. I squint more using the light as an advantage, but the shadows from the dimly lit light hides all the prominent features, making it impossible for me to work out who it is. My mind going insane trying to wrap around who is standing in front of me.

Suddenly, a circle of dimly lit lights circle around me. The same figure slowly appears under each one. The shadows still covering its face. The room is in complete silence, except for my heavy breath and fast heartbeat. One of the figures breaks the silence, "how could you do this to me?" than another figure, "how could you leave me?" questions coming from each figure, all the same voice, which I can't put my finger on. All these questions come at me like punches, some hurt, some don't. I turn and turn, trying to figure out who it is behind the dim light. The tears start rolling down my cheeks. They voice stops and the room is silent for a split second. Until one figures light, brightens up. "The pain you are feeling right now, is the same pain as I am feeling. I have always felt your pain." Carter stands there, cut and tortured. The light dimes again, hiding his face again. My legs move before my mind processes. I run and run, I'm closing in, getting closer and closer. The feel of water runs down my face, tilting my head back my vision becomes a blur. Rain starts to fall and my feet begin to move faster. The Carters around me begin to chant. "Carter...Carter! CARTER!!" it goes on and on. Like on que the chants faintly disappear, the voices in my head take over. They scream and shout, getting louder with every step I take. It gets too hard to handle, my knees buckle hitting the ground, followed by my hands grazing against the cold hard ground. The voices stop and the rain freezes, like all the time in the world standing still. My world becomes numb, as I slowly sink into the ground. I think to myself, who am I? what have I become?

My eyes shoot open, sweat drips down my forehead all the way down my chest. Sitting up, when 3 panting bodies emerge from my door way. Carter, Nicholas and Maddox stand there dumbfoundedly. Simultaneously they all open their mouths and ask the same thing, like they had planned it. "Are you okay?" they all look at each other than back at me. "Why are you sweating that much?" Carter cringes while asks.

"I had a bad dream. I didn't mean to startle anyone." I look down and see that I'm only wearing my hot pink Victoria Secrets bra, and my booty shorts. I grab my blankets, making sure I cover every inch of my skin. I look over at the three boys, Maddox has a hot ass smirk on his face raising his eyebrows at me, while Carter and Nicholas stare at me wide eyes and faces flushed. "Um... what are we doing today?" I inquire.

"We are going to the movies," Carter replies. "cheap tickets." His smile beams from ear to ear. I've never seen anyone so happy to go to the movies before, but then again it is Carter we are talking about. "Though you might want to put some clothes on." He walks away with Nicholas laughing at his lame attempt of a joke. Does my brother really think he is funny? Oh boy, only if he knew. My thoughts are interrupted by Maddox's voice.

"You don't need to put clothes on, I don't mind" and just like that my face flushes and he disappears out of my room.