Things I Should Say- A Book of Poems

what she wants of me but i cannot give.

Be quiet.
Learn to be quiet.
Stop talking.
Talking that much will make people dislike you.
Shut up.
Your voice is not something pleasant to listen to.
Don't laugh.
People are staring.
You are loud and you sound like a clucking chicken.
Don't smile with your teeth.
You look scared.
You look stupid.
You are stupid.
Read your bible.
In it you will find answers.
Stop asking questions.
You should know these things.
You can't be gay.
You are embarrassing me.
You are a daughter who is disrespecting your mother by being the person you are.
Crawl inside yourself.
No one wants to see you.
Stop eating.
Do you want to be 400 pounds?
You look like you're 400 pounds.
You are fat.
Get out of the fridge.
Don't tell people you cut yourself.
Don't tell people you want to kill yourself.
That's not something you tell people.
You don't want them to think you are crazy.
You are crazy.
You are crazy.
You're too loud.
Stop. 
Hush.
Pretend to be anything but yourself.
Pretend you are happy.
Smile.
But not with your teeth.
Don't tell people you have had to go to the hospital for attempting suicide.
Don't tell anyone how you swallowed those pills.
Don't tell anyone your whole family except two people stopped talking to you when you came out.
That makes us look bad.
It's not our fault you decided to be gay.
You have to understand where they are coming from.
Stop being mean.
Stop screaming.
Stop being mad at us for the consequences of your sins. 
You shouldn't turn your back on the people who really love you.
They really love you.
Those people you hang out with.
Too many rings.
Too many different colors of hair.
Too much cleavage.
Too much pot smoke.
They make you happy.
Stop being actually happy.
Be pretend happy.
Be what we want you to be.
Don't look at her that way.
Don't call taking her some place a date.
You are a disgrace.
You make me upset.
You're not allowed to be upset.
You just don't want the truth.
The truth.
Their bible truth they shove at you.
Don't tell them the truth.
I don't want them to know the actual reason you weren't there Sunday morning.
Pretend you were sick.
Pretend you were gone.
Smile.
But not with your teeth.
Stand there. 
Be quiet.
Swallow your voice.
Make me proud.
You don't make me proud. 
You will never make me proud.
Be still.
Stop yelling.
You are embarrassing me. 
You are a mistake.
Why can't you just agree?
Why can't you listen. 
Listen.
Listen!
Be quiet.
Be what they want you to be.