Things I Should Say- A Book of Poems

you mean it.

I have never heard
the words I love you and known that the person saying them means what they are saying.
I love you.
I love you came with obligation.
I love you came with doubt.
Yet they were the words I craved and anyone who said them recieved all of me.
I did not hold anything back.
But I love you came with pain.
I love you came with "but not enough to do that."
I love you meant I had to tear apart myself to patch the holes in their ego,
Leaving me bloody but proud that I could make them happy.
Yet when I was alone
Too often I was not rescued. 
Too often I was not protected.
Too often I felt like a burden.
I was not a burden.
But no matter what I complied. 
Because that is what you do when you love someone. 

And then I met you.
You were so unexpected, you just showed up out of nowhere.
But right from that first late night talking,
I knew you were different.
I had been hurt so many times
I just wanted someone to finally love me.
Someone to finally understand me.
I wanted real I love you.
Love that lasts and lingers when their lips are no longer pressed to you.
Love that holds you and wraps itself around you.
Love that takes your breath away but it is simultaneously the air you need so desperately to breathe.
Love.
Real unconditional Love.
Yet I did not want to move too fast and scare you.
Love was something you had only heard of.
Love was new and probably scary and I was scared too.
I was scared you were too good to be true.
Your smile was too cute, the way your face lights up.
Your arms fit me too perfect.
Your lips made me feel too warm and fuzzy.
I could not love you yet.
I couldn't tell you I loved you yet.
Even if I did.
I told you I loved you.
I was so scared you would run.
I had tried so hard not to love you yet.
But you were the sun and I was a flower that needed your light.
I grew towards you even though I tried not to.
I didn't know
And still don't know
How you hadn't realized you were wonderful yet.
And then you told me you loved me too.
Every time you say it.
Even though we have said it hundreds of times since then,
My heart skips a beat.
My face hurts from smiling because you make me so happy.
I love you comes with joy and peace.
I love you is comfort and home.
I love you.
The moon sun and stars do not shine bright enough to compare them to our love.
There is nothing deep enough to express how deeply I care.
When you look at me and say
I love you
I know you mean it.
And you always will.