Anxiety and so much more

Life can be hard but that's okay Part 7

I wanted to call this chapter "Life can be hard but that's okay" because growing up for me was and still is hard but I would never want to change what has happend to me.

For me I didn't really get time to be a kid because of my second brother, he would set fires in the microwave with ramen which to be far my first brother and me also did within the same month he did, but my mom and step dad have always given him a harder time so then when he would do something wrong I would watch as they yelled at him and then 2 weeks later I did the same thing but they didn't yell at me... this has always bugged me and it also bugged me when he would not listen to me because I'm younger then him and I have no authority over him.

Because of my second brother I always felt like I was being childish even if I filled a glass of water.

So when I turned 8 or 9 when I was going to public school I started to try and act more kind and less childish which I am happy I learned but I also wish I could act childish and not feel guilty the moment after.

When I say I act older then I am what I mean is when I was 13 people thought I was in my  twenty's and I never got a lower guess then 16 except once when some guessed my age right once.

Because of this I feel stressed when someone asks my age but I always get people to guess because it's interesting to hear what people think and... I know some where deep down I don't want people to guess correctly.

I also look a lot older then I am because I have a bigger chest then people my age and because of how I act I've always had people ask me about things.

I'm happy people feel comfortable asking me things about romance and about there problems and how to fix them.

When I was in 3rd grade I would lock myself in the washrooms and I would pee my pants so much that I just had extra clothing in my backpack and the only reason that I wasn't bullied by my classmates was because I was friends with this girl (let's call her Sam) named Sam who was friends with everyone, so then when she was invited to a party she wouldn't go unless I was also invited and the reason we were friends was because we were both the best artists in the class and we bonded over art.

With out Sam I would've had a horrible time at school, and I'm so thankful to her that I got to have her as a friend during that time of my life.

But because of my problems with people I came across as weak or childish and I hated that.

My second brother still calls me weak and for little things and I know he's joking most of the time but it still hurts to hear that when I work so hard to come across as a strong person.

Me and my first brother are very alike in many ways and I have yet to find anything that we disagree on!

My first brother is the reason I made so many friends last year and even though I moved away and I don't get to see those friends much I'm still happy I made those friends and one night I had a long conversation over messaging with one of those friends and he said that he cared and that everyone of my other friends did as well, and when you're the type of person who barely hears that those words are very impact-ful.

And I will always cherish those words he said to me that night and I hope I never wish to have not made those friends because without them I wouldn't have learned to socialise and have fun and joke around!

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I'm going to leave it there for that chapter.

I hope you enjoyed, I know I kinda go to a lot of different places in my writing lol

I'm trying to fix it and practice makes perfect right? XP 

See you later dudes!